| Remember
back in Elementary school, in about the fourth grade, when
you learned that catchy little phrase that went, “In
fourteen hundred and ninety two, Columbus sailed the ocean
blue”? Well, I’m here to tell you that that statement
somewhat false.
Fact: Columbus DID sail in 1492
Fact: Columbus DID sail on the ocean
Falsity: The ocean was NOT blue
When the Supreme Board of Elementary School Teachers sat in
their supreme teachers’ lounge and coined the before
mentioned phrase, they came at an impasse when it came to
making it rhyme. Let me explain…
At the time, of Columbus’ sail to search for the East
Indies, the ocean was in fact orange. As everyone knows, the
ocean’s color is dependent on the color of what the
sunlight reflects from onto it. Today it is blue, due to our
blue sky, but back at the time of Columbus’ quest, this
was not so. At the time, the world was dominated by an evil
winged gargoyle by the name of Gwildor who not only created
the sitcom Joey, but also stole the earth’s
atmosphere and pushed the sun closer, causing the Earth to
be enclosed by a fiery orange wall. This lasted for tens of
years as Gwildor fed on the souls of SNL writers
and Fig Newtons.
Now, everyone knows that NOTHING rhymes with the word orange,
so the teachers were dumbfounded. How could they make this
work??? For sixteen years they racked their brains, trying
to figure out how to make the word “two” rhyme
with the word “orange”. Finally, Dingus Areola
McGriddle Sanchez, an algebra teacher, ran into the teachers’
lounge shouting, “Blue blue blue!”
After
some convincing, everyone agreed that they would change the
ocean color in the rhyme to blue, hoping that one day it might
be that color.
And so it is. After Gwildor’s tyranny ended, the ocean
was once again blue and Columbus was dead. |
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