|  Dustin: Okay, I'm always the one to "welcome back" the readers as it were... I think it's your turn.
DJ: Okay, uh... Howdy, folks. You can take the noose down from the rafter and get off that rickety old chair because Dustin and I are back with a brand new edition of SPOILER WARNING! Woo hoo!
Dustin: That was maybe a little morbid.
DJ: Love makes some people do funny things. And people LOVE Spoiler Warning.
Dustin: Actually, it's probably more likely that our readers would kill themselves AFTER reading the column.
DJ: I figure it'd most likely be with a fire arm after reading this, just to get it over quickly... I've opened up a big weird ol' can of worms here, haven't I? Why don't you tell the readers what we'll be chatting about... ?
Dustin: Well, this go around, I've opted to bring to the table a film that never really got its due--Mystery Men! As a quick aside (historically relevant even), I'd like to mention that I was introduced to this flick by our former manager at Barnes & Noble, Alexa. She swore up and down that this was one of the funniest films she'd ever seen. She may or may not have been wrong. But at any rate, I think we should dedicate this review to her.
DJ: So it is written; so it shall be done. Alexa, our babbling about Mystery Men is for you.
Dustin: Right, so that brings us to... the story! I will do my utmost to capsulize ye olde plot line...
DJ: I have complete faith in your plot synopsis abilities, my friend.
Dustin: In the beginning, we are introduced to a trio of amateur crime fighters, who--despite their good intentions--can't get the job done. This is actually okay for the most part, since their town (Champion City) is already the home of CAPTAIN AMAZING (played adeptly by a smug Greg Kinnear).
DJ: Is there any other kind of Kinnear?
Dustin: But lo, CAPTAIN AMAZING has a problem--he's actually managed to get rid of all the big bad guys, and he's a corporate sell-out to boot. So now he's faced with the prospect of losing his sponsors (his super suit looks like a NASCAR jump suit) because he can't stay in the news by having these colossal battles. This eventually leads him to arrange the release of one of his greatest foes, Casanova Frankenstein (fiendishly portrayed by Geoffrey Rush)... who promptly manages to capture the Captain. Meanwhile the marginally competent trio of wannabe heroes-- Mr. Furious, The Shoveler, and The Blue Rajah-- learn about Casanova's plans and set out to save CAPTAIN AMAZING. But they need help, of course, so they recruit some like-minded budding heroes (who also are mediocre) and embark upon a dangerous journey to save the city, themselves, and maybe, just maybe grow a little as people in the process.
DJ: Say, that could be the Special Edition DVD back cover thingie... not that this poor movie will ever get a special edition. I just got it for this review from Best Buy for $5.99 (worth at least a buck more!)
Dustin: I still own it on VHS.
DJ: Dang. VHS? I almost forgot about that technology of yesteryear. So, anyway, what'd you think of the flick? As funny as you were lead to believe by our former bookstore manager?
Dustin: I can confidently say... yes! While not the funniest film I've ever seen, there are many laughs to be had--but I'd make the argument that it's not a film for everyone.
DJ: It's very much a quirky little flick that happened to have a lot of now low tech looking CG effects that cost a lot of money.
Dustin: Oh come now, it hasn't weathered that badly...
DJ: No, the fx look okay... it's got that dated Joel Schumacher Batman superhero flick look, with all the neon colors and stylistic buildings, though here it isn't horribly inappropriate.
Dustin: Right! It's supposed to be campy... it's all tongue-in-cheek. Whereas poor Joel's films.... shudder.
DJ: I shouldn't even have brought those up... getting queasy-- anyway! Mystery Men seems to me to be like a kind of superhero Ghostbusters with an "indie" feel. Indie maybe because of the interesting casting choices, but it's kinda Ghostbusters-ish in that, with all the jokes and goofiness, they still gotta stop bad shit. Like, the ghosts were really gonna bring down hell on earth, and here Casanova Frankenstein is really going to fuck up Champion City.
Dustin: Hey, we should just run down the whole list of the Mystery Men before we go any further. From the top, we've got Ben Stiller's "Mr. Furious," who tries very, very hard to be the leader, but is pretty ineffective at it because he's not all that bright. Mr. Furious's power is that he gets filled with some kind of mystical RAGE and then wails on you. This doesn't really every happen.
DJ: He's my favorite. I love impotent ANGER!
Dustin: Now I'm of the opinion that having Ben Stiller in your film automatically will make some people love it, and some people hate it.
DJ: Stiller's great in good movies. He just doesn't make 'em anymore.
Dustin: Next up, the mighty William H. Macy as "The Shoveler." Macy is a rock. He is the glue that can hold together any film, no matter what genre. He's also married to Felicity Huffman, who is my favorite "Desperate Housewife."
DJ: Macy just has the best voice. He creates a really well-rounded character in this, mostly through his subtle emoting. He's great.
Dustin: Right, and his powers are... hitting people with a shovel! That's pretty basic, eh? Then my favorite of the Mystery Men, "Blue Raja," who is played by Hank Azaria. This film makes we want to believe that Azaria might be one of the funniest men alive. The Blue Raja, you see, is a master of cutlery... which he hurls at his enemies!
DJ: He's an odd duck. I love the fake British accent and his relationship with his mother. Oh, and the fact that the BLUE Raja has no blue in his ridiculous costume.
Dustin: Well, he explains that in the film, in a dialogue that I absolutely can't remember now.
DJ: I know, but I never got the "blue" aspect... He kind of babbles, causing me to giggle, then retain very little.
Dustin: That's the original trio... but throughout the course of the film, we come to meet people like Janeane Garofalo, who plays "The Bowler," a hero that fights crime with a bowling ball powered by the skull of her dead father, which is sealed inside.
DJ: She's maybe my other favorite character. She and Stiller play off each other so well. Really fun "banter."
 Dustin: Agreed. I do love me some Janeane Garofalo, and she gets some of the best one-liners in the movie. Care to serve up the run down of the rest of the team?
DJ: Well, the others, honestly, are my least favorites, though they're all right. Kel Mitchell of Good Burger and "Dance 360" fame ("Head ta' head! Head ta' head!") plays the Invisible Boy... who can only become invisible when no one's looking at him. Which is a funny little bit that pays off at the end.
Dustin: Yeah. And yes, these rest of them are pretty... unremarkable both in character and performance. Not necessarily bad actors, but they just don't deliver the goods as well.
DJ: Yeah, they're all talented, hell, Paul Reubens, Pee Wee Herman himself is in it, BUT his character of The Spleen is a walking fart joke with bad teeth and zits. I'm fond of none of those things. He and the Invisible Boy have a decent scene together with a skunk that's just... well... it's a completely weird bit that would be cut out of more mainstream movies, that's for damn sure. Finally, there's The Sphinx (Wes Studi), a "terribly mysterious" (to quote Blue Raja) superhero from down south of the boarder who apparently can cut guns in half with his mind and also takes the burgeoning team on a kind of camping retreat to get in touch with their inner heroes.
Dustin: I think he's trying terribly hard to be David Carradine circa "Kung-Fu." Or something.
DJ: Maybe. The character's weird, but he's got a reason to be in the story. That's it for the official team, but I gotta mention Tom Waits as Professor Hellar, their weapons guy. He's so fucking weird. I love how he's at the beginning, hitting on the ladies at the old folks home.
Dustin: Tom Waits might be one of the most brilliant pieces of casting in this film. And it's even funnier if you know who he IS, and what a weird, reclusive guy he supposedly is in real life.
DJ: Yeah. His acting isn't great technically, but his personality and mere presence is a big plus in this movie. This weird, weird movie. How'd it even get made?
Dustin: Well, it's based on a comic--didn't you know that COMIC BOY?!?!?!
DJ: Oh, I know. And this was during the first wave of comic book movies everywhere, near the end. We're currently in a second, better, Schumaucher free one... but what I meant about how it got made is that... It's really odder than I think most people would realize. Transvestite comedian Eddie Izzard and famed Fugee Pras as the "Disco Boys", tornadoes in a can, what happens to Captain Amazing-- it's all really odd feeling, which one usually doesn't get from a big budget studio flick. Which is probably why it bombed. What made it fail financially is what's good and unique about it.
Dustin: Right, like I said earlier.... this really isn't a film for everybody. This is more like a thinking man's Austin Powers. The jokes are just as blatant, but it's not physical or visual comedy, a lot of the comedy is from word play and from individual performances.
 DJ: And I don't find it "laugh out loud" funny. It's more like, "That's funny." or "That's odd." or both. I like it, but it's made for a particular type of audience. Me and you, I guess.
Dustin: Yeah, and Alexa.
DJ: Right. her, too. I don't really know anyone who likes it, and I don't know anyone I'd recommend it to. But I dig it. Oh, you mentioned it was based on a comic, and my fanboy self would like to opine VERY loosely based. The comic was from this weird fella named Bob Burden who's best known for a character called "The Flaming Carrot" (which is just as surreal and funky as it sounds)... I think some of the main characters were in the book, but, mostly, this thing took the very basic idea, some names, and then did it's own thing storywise.
Dustin: And in terms of the story, do you think it succeeds?
DJ: You know, kinda. I'm not big on the plot, which is fairly standard. It's more, for me, about the feel of these oddball characters, wannabes, who get their shot in the big leagues. There's not a whole lot of follow through, no real depth, but there's so much going on, it's just fun.
Dustin: Right, the best part of the story isn't at all the ending, which is exactly what you think it is--it's the weird, unexpected trip that you take to get there.
DJ: Yup. It's the "star" studded cast and interplay that make the movie. Not the bad guy's evil plan. Again, like a Ghostbusters thing, where a bunch of shit basically breaks up at the end. It's a story, sure, but the characters are what makes it fun.
Dustin: Exactly! So, plugging it into our trifold rating system--Initial Impact, Timelessness, Casting--what say ye?
DJ: Initial Impact: 2.5 out of 4 magic bowling balls. Timelessness: 3 out of 4 magic bowling balls (I mean, it's dated, but watching it again after years, I liked it a lot.) Casting: 4 out of 4 magic balls. Terrific cast all around.
Dustin: Hey, uh... it's a five-point system.
DJ: Fuck! I keep forgetting! Add one to everything! What say you???
Dustin: Initial Impact: 3, Timlessness 3.5, Casting... oh, say.... 4.5 out of five. I think I've actually liked the film more since I've seen it a few more times. You miss a lot of nuance the first go around.
DJ: Yeah. I wasn't so sure about it when you suggested it, kinda got harassed at work for buying the DVD for cheap on my lunch break, but heck wit' it. I dig this movie. It's pretty much forgotten now, but worth checking out. Especially fans of goofy, weird stuff the public at large doesn't know what to do with.
Dustin: Absolutely, I feel it's a solid, yet quirky, superhero film that will always have a place in the hearts of 5% of the population.
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