| There seem to be an awful lot of world leaders doing an awful lot of pontificating on an awful lot of topics of which they do not know an awful lot. In order to read the news, I must vanquish my fear that another blandly smiling politician will be holding another grindingly polite press conference to discuss a befuddlingly complex topic upon which he is unfathomably ignorant. If I wanted to witness such blindingly useless behavior, I would stand in front of the mirror and watch my reflection try to convince me that the only way to end conflict in the Middle East is by importing prairie dogs and musk oxen, allowing the Paraguyan navy to patrol the waters, distributing chocolate to the populace and throwing them a party at Chuck E. Cheese.
I daily observe an array of world leaders, and my response to these personages and their media-soaked actions can be summarized thus: I peer into the bowels of these leaders hoping to find the epicenter of that which allows them to squirrel away their distaste for the attention and latitude given to heads of state.
I do not believe for one moment that those in political power actually like the people with whom they deal. I am not beguiled by the idea that they think their actions are as critical as the audience makes them out to be. I do not even remotely give credence to the implication that world leaders truly even like their electorates, establishments, protectorates or constituencies. Permit me this query: If those people in power truly held any esteem or admiration for 1) those with whom they meet, 2) what they do, or 3) those whom they serve, would half of the barbarisms perpetrated under the auspices of national good see the light of day?
1) No. If world leaders actually liked each other, liked the press and liked their staffs, there would be myriad more pool parties, foot races to the floor of the UN, food fights, whoopie cushions, outings to ball games, barbeques, liquid luncheons, and hospital visits in the halls, rotundas and palaces of power than there are today.
Instead of liking and appreciating colleagues and observers, policy and lawmakers show marked distrust and evident dislike for their homologues and helpers as though they did not wish to be reminded of the sordid details of their own professions. They do not like those above them (though they often fawn over them) and they detest those below them, for those around them will be their replacements in the world’s spotlight.
2) No. If they did think that every decision they made caused an appreciable difference in the world, there would be a whole ass-load more trees planted, pay cuts taken, audiences granted, trips planned and whiny people ushered out of office than there are now.
Instead of acting as though decisions have repercussions, our power brokers act as though the void around them absorbs the impact of their idiocy. Every day, decrees and admonitions tumble down from on high and we below indignantly receive the benefits and detriments of plans that those on the hill enact. I have to assume that leaders cling to the delusion that their policies truly affect no one. Perhaps it is all one big Risk board where you role the die, play your cards and charge into others’ territories while sipping a beer and talking with friends.
3) No. If public officials actually respected and enjoyed those they serve, they would spend far less money, write far fewer laws, kiss far fewer babies, have much dirtier hands, smile less and more, dance through the streets on occasion, pick up hitchhikers, sit on their porches at sunset and have carwashes to earn votes.
Instead disdain seeps like a leaking bathtub through the ceiling separating those in power from their voters. Officials deal with those they serve as they would deal with the old and infirm, or with the not yet toilet trained--only with less indulgence. Evident in this relationship is superiority and distrust. If leaders turn their backs for the blink of an eye, the people will stick pennies in their noses, fall off their bikes or fling mashed peas at the damask walls of power… clearly we should not try this at home.
So, here I am back at my original question: what sort of bile erupts from within our policy makers’ gullets that allows them to act with impunity and wallow amongst those whose company they do not enjoy? What unhappiness and grief to have to work with and for those you do not like, to go to work everyday in the belief that your decisions have no power outside your office, to think that those who ask so much of you are not even worth the price of your breakfast coffee! What tragic amounts of acid must clog your perhaps well-meaning heart when asked for subsidies and to think that you can do nothing, for what you do changes nothing, and yet you must smile and proudly announce your next great initiative!
I have the distinct impression that world leaders spend so much time having their names dragged through the mud, their attempts to regulate conflict thwarted and their lifestyles criticized that they have no faith left in human kind, that after a while it becomes a game of scooting your sprouts around in your mashed potatoes so that everyone thinks you’ve been good and eaten them and, in the end, you do not care what effect your policies have, what your people want or what the press gets out of your secretary and you just lacquer down your hair, tuck in whatever shirt your assistant has chosen and toss back an ibuprofen and a Bloody Mary and smile at the camera until you get to fall in bed again and pass out.
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