Faucet
by Debra Goodman

Squeeeeeee…
grindddddddddd….
Ka-chunk Ka-chunk…
HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES IN PAIN.
WD-40.
Silence. Ease.
The miracle of petroleum.

 

My Toilet
by Dustin Grovemiller

When first approached, you seem quite ordinary;
Generic white, contemporary lines, slight corrosion from age.
But you hide a surprise for unfamiliar persons,
When they seek to get to the bottom of things.

You are unbalanced, seated on a warped floor;
Presenting users with an unaccustomed tilt.
Like sailing a clipper ship on a rolling sea,
You are seldom level while sitting on the poop deck.

 

Choose Your Weapon
by Fingers (and Katie) O'Reilly

If I'm Mustard to your Plum,
What would I use to make you numb?
How easily to shoot the gun;
Although that wouldn't be much fun.

Perhaps to throttle with the rope,
As Ms. White's bosom you try grope.
Or maybe by a blow that's quick,
Issued by the candlestick.

To kill you best, you old curmudgeon,
I want to beat, to smash, to bludgeon.
The study's where your time is nigh,
And my lead pipe will make you die.