“Caching” In
 
Speaking as someone who’s still arguably in his mid-twenties, I think I’m going to have to follow stereotype and start going on and on about how I don’t know what my purpose is, what my goals are in life – the lackluster battle cry of my generation. Ah, the children of the eighties*… people that seemingly were meant to be lost. Well I’m tired of being lost. So I bought a handheld GPS unit.
 
Granted, this might be slightly literal reaction to the whole issue. But on the bright side, getting a new gadget is more than enough to distract myself from hours of lonely philosophical introspection and watching re-runs of The Simpsons.
 
For the uninitiated, GPS stands for “Global Positioning System,” and basically it can tell you exactly where you stand – literally, unlike that other kind of GPS, the Gratuitously Pretentious Snob (who more or less just gives you a general rundown on how you’re consistently a bottom feeder on the social ladder). Using the system of Degrees, Minutes, and Seconds (you know, latitude and longitude) that you were taught in Middle School -- but have since forgotten and replaced with something more important, like the lyrics to Livin’ On A Prayer -- GPS devices are becoming more and more commonly used for a variety of reasons. The handheld device talks to a network of satellites, and based on where it is in relation to three or more of those satellites, it can calculate your exact position on the Earth. This is all accomplished by using something called “math.”  (Again, your brain used to know what this was, but now “math” is a bunch of quotes from Saturday Night Live’s “Jeopardy” parodies. Thankfully, someone that doesn’t watch TV has remembered this “math” stuff, and has programmed your GPS device to do the thinking for you.)
 
So, what exactly does one do with one of these thingamajigs? Well, think of it as your very own customizable compass, or homing device. You tell the GPS where you’d like to end up by feeding it a string of coordinates, and BAM, you’ve got an arrow pointing the way for you.  It even tells you how far you have to travel to reach that point. Neat, huh? Obviously a handy tool for anyone that likes to do things outdoors, like hiking, fishing, cycling, or kayaking. And if your hobby is drinking, think of how useful it would be to find your way home after a long night of bar hopping! Perhaps future models will even lead me to a clean pair of socks in the midst of my bedroom, but I suppose I’ll have to be patient.
 
In the meantime, there are plenty of non-laundry-related things to be done with your GPS device. Obviously it’s handy for traveling in unfamiliar territory (if you’re into random exploring), and higher end models can even display area maps. Likewise, it’s useful for athletic-types who like to go out and train at specific mileages and routes. But one of the coolest applications for personal GPS receivers right now has got to be a little thing called “Geocaching.”
 
I’m a recent starter in the world of Geocaching, but within the capacity of my limited attention span, I’ve kind of gone bonkers over it. Basically, you go on a treasure hunt – except instead of One-Eyed Willie’s treasure map, you get coordinates for a cache from the official Geocaching website. Then, either on your own or with your answer to Corey Feldman and company, you set out to find the hidden cache with only your GPS and maybe a few geographical clues to guide you. Some caches are easy to find; others are complex, multi-stage searches that lead you though everything from historic markers to overgrown wilds of woods. (No joke -- I went and searched for a local one over lunch recently and came back to work covered in prickly little nettles). Once you manage to find the cache you’re looking for, you sign into the cache’s logbook, and then – because it is a treasure hunt, after all – you rummage through the loot. Most caches have small items, ranging from toys to batteries, and occasionally even calling cards for travelers and occasionally some cold, hard cash, I’ve read. You’re free to take whatever you’d like, and leave whatever you’d like.
 
You need to understand that this is all insanely fun. Who didn’t dream about finding buried treasure when they were a kid? And now, thanks to technology and the enthusiasm of thousands upon thousands of people, there’s something along the lines of over 120,000 caches in over 200 countries, ranging from local parks to places you need climbing gear to safely reach. Wow.
 
Behold the magical adventure of your friendly handheld GPS device! For those of you afraid to embrace new technology, no worries -- they’re pretty easy to work: you just plug in numbers and follow arrows. And most are no bigger than your TV’s remote control (the big difference being instead of you telling it where to navigate, the electronic doo-dad in your hand is directing you).
 
Now if only my generational peers could find such a thing to help us out… a “Greater Purpose Synthesizer?” Maybe a “Gratifying Personal Sense?”
 
Nah. I guess we’d better stick with the shiftless wandering. It’s bound to pan out eventually.
 
 
 
*You must have been born before 1981 to qualify in this category. Sure, you young’ns out there might have the same problem, but we were there first. It’d be great to say that we blazed the trail for those that followed, but I guess we never got to where we were going.

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Dustin may be found at N 39 58.185 W 83.00.587, or by sending him email.