Mallrats
"Deep Insights" by Grovemiller and Kirkbride
 
Dustin: So what are we talkin' about today?

DJ: We're here to discuss the 1995 classic Merchant Ivory drama "Mallrats". This is the one that changed filmmaking FOREVER.

Dustin: Right, and might I point out… you're confusing it with "Clerks." THIS one is the one that changed dick and fart jokes forever.

DJ: Ah, yes, the dick and fart joke really came into its own here. I use the singular "its" because, really, there can be no fart joke without a dick. It's one joke.

Dustin: I don’t get it.

DJ: I dunno. So, you mentioned “Clerks,” Smith's debut effort, “Mallrats” being his sophomore (in more ways than one)... But which did you see first?

Dustin: Oh, I saw “Clerks” first... like all good geek-leaning college types, “Clerks” was a staple of my viewing diet at the time. “Mallrats” came later... not in the theater, but when someone finally got around to buying it on video. Which was.... '97.

DJ: I saw both of these first on video. Clerks really impressed me, so when I heard about Mallrats, I was, to use a word I hate, "stoked". But it came and went in theaters in my town... actually, it might not have even played... so I finally caught it on video, too.

Dustin: In my case, I wasn't so much "stoked" as interested, but I didn't fully know at the time what was good for me. So, what was your first impression?

DJ: Honestly, it's no “Clerks.” It's missing the charm. The bad acting isn't as forgivable here... that's not to say I don't like it... or that ALL the acting's bad... but maybe I expected more the second time out. Still, it made me laugh. A lot.

Dustin: Oh, absolutely. But what did it accomplish? Of all his films, I'd say that “Mallrats” has the least consequence. Funny, yes. But not so much in his typical intellectual manner. There are funny, thoughtful bits, but the overall story arc isn't amazingly clever.

DJ: Yeah, this is Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back's older brother... Shit. What's it about? We should say that just in case people reading this don't know. Can you sum up the "plot"?

Dustin: Sure, I can take a swipe at it...

Boy has girl. Boy loses girl because he's insensitive to her needs in the relationship. Then there's Other Boy. Other Boy has girl, but loses girl because she always takes a back seat to his obsessions. Both Boys go to the mall, debate meaning of it all, attempt to get girls back. Along the way, they interact with many colorful characters and eventually take over a television show. Everyone ends up happy except for Ben Affleck’s character, who is neither one of the boys, and ends up under arrest at the close of the action.

DJ: Very true. That's one thing Smith forgot when he used Affleck in subsequent films... he should ALWAYS end up in jail for statutory rape. That's one of the golden rules of comedy. Like slipping on a banana.

Dustin: Now, my views of this film have certainly matured as I (allegedly) have over the years. The way it feels to me now: Kevin Smith just really didn't know what to do with all the resources he had. He went from making a 16mm indie film to suddenly being the Next Big Thing. The product was good, but maybe a little hollow. It’s like he now had a microphone to speak into, but hadn't thought of something meaningful to say... that would be next, in “Chasing Amy.” This was him taking the mic and starting by going "Hey, is this thing on?"

DJ: That's a very astute observation… I mean, I enjoy the comic book references and broad humor here... but that slapsticky stuff’s not Smith's forte, nor do I think it'll ever be. His observational and more character-based material works much better for me. Still, Jay and Silent Bob's hijinks are entertaining.

Dustin: Oh, without a doubt. I own a shirt that says "Fly fat ass, fly!" because of this movie.

DJ: It's one of those movies... fun quotes, goofy characters... for a while there, I watched it all the time. Even after it stopped making me laugh. It was like movie comfort food.

Dustin: Exactly.

DJ: But the key to Smith's better works (“Clerks,” “Chasing Amy”... even “Dogma”), is that there's genuine feeling and honest emotion grounding all the dumb guy "dick and fart" shenanigans. Here, it is all surface.

Dustin: I absolutely agree... I think he's got two major ingredients to his movie making formula: Thoughtful, clever comedy and laugh-grabbing bits. The kind of movie he ends up with depends of which order he's got them in... Clever Comedy + Bits = “Clerks,” “Amy,” “Dogma” (sort of) and Bits + Clever Comedy = “Mallrats,” “Jay & Bob.”

DJ: And then sappy comedy - bits + well meaning schmultz = Jersey Girl.

Dustin: Yeah. I'm not sure if the schmultz thing worked for him.

DJ: Sorry. I know he meant well with that one, and we're supposed to be talking Mallrats, anyway. To wit: I like comics, and I know you kinda do, too, but this is one comics reference heavy flick... I always wondered how it'd play to people who socialized more.

Dustin: It had Stan Lee in it, man!

DJ: I FUCKING SAW HIM A COUPLE OF NIGHTS AGO!!! Off subject, but I was at the movies to see him speak about X2, and he walked by while I was getting overpriced popcorn. Then Trent Reznor walked by for the Ray Charles movie premiere... it was weird. But my POINT is, I talked to Stan about relationships.

Dustin: Are you confusing movies and real life again? Because there's a scene JUST LIKE THAT in “Mallrats.”

DJ: Uh, Trent Reznor wasn't in “Mallrats.” Wait...who played T.S.?

Dustin: Jeremy London -- one of those 90210 / Dawson's Creek types.

DJ: Oh, okay. Then Reznor definitely wasn't in the flick. Yeah, that's one of the problems with the flick – the real schlubs in “Clerks” were replaced by pretty boys and generic girls. Now, Jason Lee as Brodie...

Dustin: LEE!

DJ: …had personality, but London was a fucking blank.

Dustin: Lee is awesome. This was Lee's first real exposure, you know. This was the movie that launched his career as an actor.

DJ: After his career as a skateboarder. He's great as the smart ass Kevin Smith funny half of the duo. Now I think he's moved onto a career as a salsa dancer. Damn! I haven't even had ONE career yet! On the opposite end of the spectrum, I think Jeremy London was eaten by a shark. Or something. In the end, what's your overall verdict on Mallrats? Looking back at it nearly ten years later?

Dustin: Good. Not great, but not at all bad. It's good to watch in the same way that Mel Brooks films are good to watch... perfect for a long weekend or a slow night. Like you said, kind of cinematic comfort food.

DJ: Yeah. The laughs outweigh the groaners (but barely)... just like a Mel Brooks flick. Actually, I know I've kinda badmouthed this movie... but after all this chatting about it, i want to pop it in the ol' DVD player. The perfect background movie.

Dustin: Yeah, and plus it's even got a couple boobie shots. That never hurts in a good comfort movie.

DJ: Well, the only interesting one here involves the three nippled psychic. I thought I was the only one!!!

Dustin: And speaking of seeing boobs, shall we do this again next month, Deej?

DJ: Snootchie Bootchies! (Did I just say that? I’m so ashamed…)