Idle Wishing by Dustin

If I had a Giant Robot, I'd make sure that he'd be the the biggest, the best, and the most heavily armed Giant Robot of them all. But he'd be a Giant Robot of peace, not of conflict.

If I had a Giant Robot, I'd probably be tempted to name him "Thor" or "Thundercleese" or "Steve." You know, something cool. But I'd ultimately stick with calling him "Giant Robot" ("Giant Robo" also would work), because I'm a sucker for tradition.

If I had a Giant Robot, we'd probably never go to the beach. It's always so crowded this time of year, and plus you can only imagine all the places on my Giant Robot that sand would get into.

If I had a Giant Robot, he'd have a custom left hand made from him by the Leatherman Tool Company. While Gerber makes fine products, my Giant Robot just would have an unspoken preference for a good Leatherman product. Same thing with his Maglite-built headlamps. That's solid aircraft aluminum, after all.

If I had a Giant Robot, I'd let him dress up as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man for Halloween, because I think he could really pull that off well.

If I had a Giant Robot, I would never, ever leave him for another. Unless it was the "Lion" version of Voltron. While I'm loyal to my Giant Robot, every man must have his dream robot to chase after.

If I had a Giant Robot, he'd have really cool accents on his paint job. Maybe not flames, but certainly some racing stripes. And although he would have plently of surface area, I would not sell ad space on my Giant Robot, no matter how much money a potential sponsor would offer. My Giant Robot is not a whore.

If I had a Giant Robot, he'd be emotionally cognisant. All the same, he'd never quite understand the brilliance of NBC's Scrubs. My Giant Robot would never be one for absurdist humor.

If I had a Giant Robot, he'd be smart enough to have a diversified portfolio, because while Giant Robots are mighty and powerful in their prime, the Giant Robot retirement system leaves much to be desired. A wise Giant Robot will plan well for his golden years, and not leave his financial security to chance. Although he'll always keep some cold, hard cash in his Giant Robot sock drawer -- just in case.

And lastly, If I had a Giant Robot, he would do the story art on this piece for me, so I didn't have to sweat making deadlines. My Giant Robot would even use registered copies of Photoshop and Illustrator to do them. My Giant Robot doesn't condone software piracy.