Locked on Target
 
Let’s face it; we all have busy lifestyles these days. We run from one task to the next, seeking to get it over with and move on. We have little time for anything -- especially shopping at a leisurely pace. Whether it’s basic grocery shopping or running errands, we want it done fast. Personally I take pride in being a blitzkrieg shopper -- planning out the stores I will visit to obtain my items at the best possible price, in the shortest amount of time, with the fewest number of left-hand turns on my route from home and back again. And if I can consolidate and buy several things at one place, I feel like I’ve cracked the code and made a brilliant scientific discovery (i.e.: I need paper towels and they’re having a sale at Wal-Mart -- I bet I can find something there that resembles a hammer as well… and they might even have potting soil -- aha! Eliminate the trip to Home Depot! I AM good!)  I view shopping as a challenge to consumers’ efficiency -- a challenge that I tackle with relish.
 
So what is it with Target? Target stores are my kryptonite. You go in to the store with a specific list, say, vacuum cleaner bags and an air freshener for your car -- and you come out with toothpaste, granola bars, a bathroom cabinet, and no idea what you had originally meant to purchase.  No matter how matter-of-factly you dash in the front door of a Target store, focusing your brain on the necessities, it’s no use -- the moment you’re in, you’re doomed. The dialogue in your head probably goes something like this:
 
“Okay, toothpaste and a birthday card. That’s it. I’m not looking at anything else. Toothpaste and a birthday card, toothpaste… oooh I didn’t know they were having a sale on bean bag chairs! I don’t really need one, but they’re only $14.99, and there is a bare spot in the living room corner that could use some color… should I get pink or blue? Oh wait, these candles look really nice, too… they could sit on the coffee table… in fact, my parents are coming over for a visit soon, this would help to make the place look a little nicer -- which reminds me, I should probably have some snacks to put out on the table for them while they come… snack aisle, snack aisle - hey! Fruit Roll-Ups! Can you believe they’re having a sale on Fruit Roll-Ups!? I haven’t had those since I was a kid… I used to love those! Of course, they’re not that good for you - so much sugar - but so what… maybe I should get some more vitamins, actually… vitamins - next to the bath aisle… oh I would love a new bath gel -- now… what the hell did I come in here for again?!?”
 
You see, whoever laid out the floor plan for Target stores was a total genius. Why? Because they did it to cater to the mind of a typical American female shopper. (I’d really like to know whether the person who had this insight was a female or a gay male -- it definitely wasn’t a hetero male, sorry guys.) Most Target stores start out with necessities near the door, like shampoo and hemorrhoid cream, but they keep those items right next to the more impulsive buys that females love - like bath salts and nail polish. Then you are casually led on to candles and flowers, which subtly segue into home décor, and before you know it, you’re all the way up to hardcore furniture like cabinets and bathroom fixtures. Just when you think you’ve had enough, they take a break on you with the automotive section, so you can catch your breath and calm down.  You think you’re getting a chance to refocus, but look out -- it’s just the calm before the storm, because next comes the clothing section. By the time you’ve passed through lingerie and dresses (IF you get that far), you’re at kitchenware; and by that point, lady, you’re just cooked. This layout just MAKES you buy stuff!! Brilliant.
 
At least I recognize the problem and don’t plan “quick” trips to Target anymore (for which my boyfriend is probably thankful). I don’t even ask him to come along any more, because he never understands what in the world could take me so long. (“I thought all we needed was toothpaste? Why do you have a shopping cart?”)
 
But in the long run, I guess it’s nice to know that there is a place out there that has the subliminal shopping savvy to make even me, Ms. Efficiency, slow down and smell the bath salts.

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Laura is a discount author for the footnote. We picked her up at a local retail outlet and we're happy to say she looks and acts just like a writer we got at one of those pricey mall stores.