King for a Day
 
A few days ago, I found out that I did not win the NHL Fan of the Year contest, in which I would be NHL Commissioner of the Day. In lieu of this, I am self-appointing myself as MLB commissioner of the day. What does this mean? I get to change baseball anyway I want, and here is my plan:
 
1) Contraction
 
We really don’t need 30 teams. There are guys playing in the majors that really shouldn’t be there, especially pitchers. So let’s cut it down to 24 teams. The six unlucky teams are:
 
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Montreal Expos
Milwaukee Brewers
New York Mets
Oakland A’s
Pittsburgh Pirates

 
Tampa most likely should never have been born. The Brewers are falling apart. The Expos may well be disbanded before this article gets published. The A’s are struggling financially, although have the best talent of the six teams. The Pirates’ tradition and new stadium are not enough to save them. And the Mets? Well, New York only deserves one team.
 
2) Realignment
 
Getting rid of 6 teams’ means we need to figure out new divisions. Each league should be pared down to two six-team divisions. None of the teams will switch leagues, but some teams will now be considered ‘west’. This looks a lot like the way divisions were in the ‘80s.
 
AL East
Boston
NY Yankees
Baltimore         
Toronto            
Cleveland
Detroit
AL West
Chicago Sox
Minnesota
Kansas City
Anaheim
Texas
Seattle 
NL East
Philadelphia     
Florida
Atlanta
Cincinnati
Chicago Cubs
St. Louis
NL West
Houston
Los Angeles    
San Diego
San Francisco
Colorado
Arizona

 

3) Rules
 
This may end or shorten the careers of some players like Edgar Martinez or Jason Giambi, but the designated hitter must hit the highway. All pitchers must bat for themselves. This will add depth to the benches (more pinch hitting) and better managing.
 
Also going away will be all interleague play. Yes, series between the Sox and Cubs were great, but having them meet in the World Series would be better. I feel the Series looses something, when you can compare the way the teams played during the regular season. I don’t think anyone will miss the Twins-D’Backs series.
 
4) Playoffs
 
Let’s keep the Wildcard system. The two division winners will play the top two teams that did not win their division. So four teams from each league will go to the playoffs. Throughout the playoffs, all the teams with better regular season records will have home-field advantage. Screw the All-Star Game!
 
5) Cap
 
We will keep a salary cap, as we have right now. But to ensure that these mega-rich owners actually care about their team, and want to see it succeed, there will also be a salary minimum. If the owner doesn’t like it, sell the team. If there is a $100 million salary cap, then there should be a $40 million minimum.
 
6) Re-distribution
 
Ok, now the fun part. six teams gone, six teams worth of players to re-distribute. Going on the previous seasons standings, in reverse order, regardless of league, the eligible players may get plucked one by one. They do not get to become free agents if there is still years left on their contract.
 
The top 10 teams to draft would be: Detroit, San Diego, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Baltimore, Texas, Colorado, Anaheim, Kansas City, Arizona.
 
So who does Detroit pick? Barry Zito? Do the Padres take Tim Hudson? Does Cleveland want a stick like Chavez or Piazza?  Where do the likes of Rocco Baldelli, Jose Vidro, Ben Sheets, Al Leiter, Tom Glavine, and Jason Kendall end up?
 
End results: the league now becomes more competitive and the Yankees still win the Series!
 
 
BONUS CHEAP SEATS
 
The NHL awards are going to be picked in June, and here are my predictions:
 
Hart Trophy
Trying hard to avoid the playoff success of both, Martin St. Louis beats out Jerome Iginla. St. Louis led the league in scoring this year, and was more complete in leading his Lightning to the Eastern Conference’s best record.
 
Norris Trophy
This should be close, but ill give the edge to Zdeno Chara. He is young and ruthless, and adds a new name to the typical defensemen up for this award.
 
Selke Trophy
John Madden is hands-down the best defensive forward in the league.
 
Vezina Trophy
Wow, three stars who had outstanding seasons. If I were voting, I would pick Luongo, though I think that Broduer or Kiprusoff will get the nod.
 
Calder Trophy
Does anyone really care? My vote goes to Andrew Raycroft, though I imagine the Canadien media will select Montreal’s Michael Ryder.
 
Lady Byng Memorial
Gentlemanly conduct in hockey? Who wants to win this? I’ll go with Brad Richards of Tampa Bay.
 
Jack Adams
All three of the candidates deserve this award for coach of the year, Darryl Sutter, John Tortorella, and Ron Wilson. But, with the way the Sharks came out of nowhere to finish second in the West, I have to go with Wilson.

~~~~~

Cousy Kane is a senior contributor for the footnote. He also likes to make apple butter and various jams in the autumn.

 

 

 

 

 

Also in this Issue

Anti-Thoughts
Dustin Grovemiller

The Crevasse
D.J. Kirkbride

Currents
Laura Goodman

From the Cheap Seats
Cousy Kane

No Action
Anthony Eldridge

Rant Farm
Fingers O'Reilly

Filling the Void

Real College Essays

Giant Robot

Ninja Poetry

Ask the Staff

 

 

 

 

 

 

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