Dustin, managing editor and emotional rock

Do you wish you'd chosen to write under an assumed name? What would it be?

I guess I'd go with something practical like "Robert Hawkins." Guys like that usually end up being called by their last names, and it's kind of bad ass. My only other option isn't my idea, but I'd not hesitate to steal it... "Xavier Onassis."

The word "scorbutic" means...

I refuse to answer on the grounds that I'm the one that looked it up and asked the question.

What's the best essay/piece you saw from the footnote's first year?

Well, since I'm the guy that picks all the stuff that goes up here to begin with, I guess it's fair to say I've liked it all. I'm excited about Anthony joining up, because I think his insights in last month's No Action are a thing of brilliance.

D.J., senior editor, but pretty unstable

Do you wish you'd chosen to write under an assumed name? What would it be?

Nah. I like to use my real name -- take all the blame. If I'd used one, though, it'd either have been "Mr. Fancypants" or "Rachel Slurs."

The word "scorbutic" means...

If I had to guess, it'd have something to do with anal cleaning...

What's the best essay/piece you saw from the footnote's first year?

Gah! Thinking... uh... let's seeeeee...
- I dug Anti-Thoughts, "They'll All Be Crying Tony!"
- Currents, "Off-Brand Religion"
- Something About Nothing, "Help Wanted" and "Mutant Fruit"
- From The Cheap Seats got nice and touching here with "A Wedding Face-Off"
- And I REALLY dug "If I Had A Giant Robot"

Was I supposed to pick one? Sorry.

Cousy, senior contributor and talk show host

Do you wish you'd chosen to write under an assumed name? What would it be?

Not really. My name is cool enough. Or I could have written under my real name, no one would have known it was me. Patrick. I also like the name D.J. Kirkbride.

The word "scorbutic" means...

Oh yeah, I just bought one of these for our honeymoon. It's a device that you insert in anal region while your swimming, so that when you fart, bubbles don't shoot out of the water.

What's the best essay/piece you saw from the footnote's first year?

Oh that's easy. The article I wrote about my wedding! I know it had the most hits of any article on the site, and it help make me the unapproachable celebrity that I am now.

Laura, senior contributor and editing lackey

Do you wish you'd chosen to write under an assumed name? What would it be?

No. I don't think I've written anything offensive (yet?), and besides, I'm having a hell of a time coming up with a creative nom de plume. Hey, how about Norm D. Plume?

The word "scorbutic" means...

"Of, relating to, resembling, or affected by scurvy" -- ok, so I looked it up on dictionary.com. If I hadn't looked it up I might have guessed that it was the technical term for when a butthead referee makes a bad call, letting the other team score (scor-but-ic, get it?). Yea.

What's the best essay/piece you saw from the footnote's first year?

Oh man. That's a tough one. There have been lots of great pieces that I've enjoyed. Really. I'm not getting paid to say this. Ok, not much, anyway. In truth, I've got to say that Fingers O'Reilly's stuff has consistently made me laugh, and that I always dig Tadd Branum's style and point of view (writing style, not fashion sense --I read "Fashion Trends," ok?). "Cannonization While You Wait" may be my favorite single piece, though. The dialogue in the middle is priceless.

Anthony, contributor and philosopher

Do you wish you'd chosen to write under an assumed name? What would it be?

No. Anyone that uses a false name is a darned coward.

The word "scorbutic" means...

I'll tell ya what it don't mean. And that's "Sassy."

What's the best essay/piece you saw from the footnote's first year?

I would have to go with Dustin's Open Letter to Alyson Hannigan. I think we've all been there.

Heather, copy editor and sounding board

Do you wish you'd chosen to write under an assumed name? What would it be?

Hmmm... not really. But for the sake of humor, we'll say that I really wished I'd written as "Super High Octane Awesomeness Girl." Or "Decimal."

The word "scorbutic" means...

"Of, relating to, resembling, or affected by scurvy," obviously.
dictionary.com, people. Best website out there (after tfn, of course).

What's the best essay/piece you saw from the footnote's first year?

I'd have to go with Dustin's article introducing the Chipotle Diet to the world.

Fingers, occasional contributor and not a role model

Do you wish you'd chosen to write under an assumed name? What would it be?

Sharky McGee. I'd probably work at a track or something.

The word "scorbutic" means...

Wasn't that one of those words we used growing up? Kinda like "sike"?

What's the best essay/piece you saw from the footnote's first year?

Thinkin' either Taddly's thing about Bon Jovi or Deej's thing about armpit stains. I can kinda realte to either of those.