D.J. Kirkbide, Adorable Scamp

If you were in a production of "A Christmas Carol," what part would you want to be?

Scrooge McDuck. Man! That dude swam in gold coins! HE SWAM IN GOLD COINS!!! Don't get no cooler than that.

Would you rather get a cheap present that's in a big box, or an expensive gift in a small box?

Money. I don't care how big the box is. I just need money. Seriously. If you're reading this and happen to have some extra money, please send it to me.

If you got in a holiday street fight, who would you want on your side: Shepherds or Wise Men?

Shepherds got them big sticks and rough it with sheep all night long. Wise Men are just smart. So who do you think? That's right: Mr. T. I'd ALWAYS want him on my side in a fight.

 

Dustin Grovemiller, Ball of Merriment

Would you rather get a cheap present that's in a big box, or an expensive gift in a small box?

You know, I’ve got to make an argument for the lack of attention span that we collectively seem to have. So I say go for the big box, because the rush of excitement and anticipation of getting and opening it will outweigh the lesser, fading caring about the contents. Of course, I suppose this argument could also be made for the recreational use of smack.

If you got in a holiday street fight, who would you want on your side: Shepherds or Wise Men?

Wise men, all the way. Sure, you can talk all you want about shepherds and their crooks, but when you think about it, the Wise Men have those camels loaded up like that dude from Spy Hunter. Frankincense is a nice smoke screen, myrrh gives you a quick oil slick, and the gold…. Ummm… well, you can put it in the end of a sock and use it as a blackjack or some shit like that. Or just buy a crook of their own -- a BETTER one than any of those stinking shepherds have.

Do you ever wish you knew more about Hanukkah?

Yeah, actually. I think that Hanukkah is a lot like Canada – we find it easy to make jokes, but we do so without really knowing the facts. For instance, did you know that Canada is BIGGER than the United States? That’s right! 9,976,100 square kilometers to the U.S.’s 9,372,600. Better think again before you go making “hoser” jokes about that bigger guy in front of you, eh? Also, there are no Jewish people in Canada.

 

Laura Goodman, Portrait of a Lady in Waiting

If you were in a production of "A Christmas Carol," what part would you want to be?

The Ghost of Christmas Future. It’d be cool to be the big creepy powerful dude who finally scares the pants off of Scrooge. And you’d get to show up way after everyone else’s call time because you don’t appear until the last scene. And you’d get the really cool costume/makeup, and wouldn’t have to memorize any lines! What a role! (Years ago I’d have said the chick who was the love of Scrooge’s life, but I’m tired of being cast as the tragic heroine. I got over that in college.)

What's your holiday movie / special of choice?

Man. Until I started thinking about this one, I didn’t realize how many good – and really awful – holiday shows there ARE out there… My all-time fave would have to be “A Child’s Christmas In Wales,” which makes perfect sense when you consider that I’m a literary freak AND an Anglophile. My childhood fave was probably the first “Claymation Christmas Special.” I love good music and a good parody. And most recently, I feel a need to mention “Elf,” which was a surprise hit last holiday season. “Surprise” to me because I did not expect to even remotely enjoy watching Will Ferrell in a cheesy holiday movie. But I did. Go figure. Maybe those drugs that Dustin keeps putting in my food were working that day… who knows.

Do you ever wish you knew more about Hanukkah?

I think I’m pretty well-informed about Hanukkah, so not really. I just wish that the holiday that I celebrated involved EIGHT days of presents instead of just one… that’d be cool.

 

Cousy Kane, Our Nose-to-the-Grindstone-Guy

If you were in a production of "A Christmas Carol," what part would you want to be?

I would be the Bill Murray character from Scrooged. Except I
don't think I would fall over Marion from Raiders of the Lost Ark the way he did. Carol Kane dropping a toaster on my head? Bring it on! Or did I misread the question?

What's your holiday movie / special of choice?

Movie, definitely National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. One day, I will have to live that. I watch that movie 30 times every December. As for a television special, I am a big stop-mo Rudolph fan.

Would you rather get a cheap present that's in a big box, or an expensive gift in a small box?

Box size does not matter to me, though I wrap small presents for others in bigger boxes. I'll go for expensive present in a small box. I love me some presents, and when I need to return it, I have that much more money to spend on something I actually would want!

 

Tadd Branum, A Seriously Messed Up Fellow

If you were in a production of "A Christmas Carol," what part would you want to be?

Either the kid with the BB Gun or the one who gets his tongue stuck on the pole.

Would you rather get a cheap present that's in a big box, or an expensive gift in a small box?

I'll take a cheap hooker. The size of the box doesn't really matter.

If you got in a holiday street fight, who would you want on your side: Shepherds or Wise Men?

Shepherds of course. They got those big wooden staffs. What do wise men got? Frankincense? What the fuck is that?

 

Anthony Eldridge, Strangely Charismatic Manchild

If you were in a production of "A Christmas Carol," what part would you want to be?

Probably the Ghost of Christmas Future, 'cause he was kinda badass.

Would you rather get a cheap present that's in a big box, or an expensive gift in a small box?

The only box I want is an Xbox.

Do you ever wish you knew more about Hanukkah?

Nah, I'm pretty up on it.