| The
hardest part about buying my new car a couple of years ago
was not choosing the model, style, color, or features. It
wasn’t haggling over the price with the dealer, or discussing
the finance options. The hardest part actually came after
the sale was final and I was driving her home, wondering:
what do I name her?
Many people name inanimate objects, especially their cars.
My friends’ rides have names from “Princess”
and “Miss Kitty” to “Buster” and “Phantom.”
My mom has even said that she has had her cars tell her what
their names are (the maroon old minivan told her one day that
its name was “Molly,” she said, and it certainly
seemed to fit)! Naming hasn’t come that easily for me
and my cars (maybe I’m just not listening correctly),
but I know that naming a new car is very important. It’s
the first big step in establishing your long-term relationship.
Pick the wrong name, and the car seems to roll its eyes at
you -- small mechanical problems pop up out of nowhere, like
turn signals that go out frequently, and no matter what you
do, it gets lousy gas mileage. Pick a name that’s overly
obscure, or has the wrong connotation, and the other cars
in the parking lot snicker mercilessly, causing it to leak
oil. To keep a new car from turning into a sulking teenager
or a playground punching bag, you need to agree upon a name.
 My
new car was eventually named “Valkyrie,” for those
of you who are curious. Yes, like the classical music piece
by Wagner. That tune was on the classical music station the
first week I was driving her around, and she loved it. I thought
the name was a little far out there, and tried to coax her
out of it with a myriad of other options. But, whenever I
tried something a little more traditional, she just laughed
at me. Val had attitude. She was determined, and she was proud.
So finally I gave in, and we’ve been driving together
around Austin for a couple of years now, the naming angst
left in a cloud of dust behind us.
Now, if I thought that naming a new car was tough, this past
week I have observed a naming process that is ten times more
taxing: naming a new company. This is naming on a whole new
level, the kind that most of us don’t even think about.
But when you have had the privilege (as I have had recently)
to watch a friend beat his head on a wall over the decision,
you begin to realize the high stakes that are involved. First
off, the name of a company is extremely public (i.e., it’s
not something that you can keep between you and your car).
So, the name doesn’t just affect you and the company
on a personal level; it also affects every single person who
will ever interact with the company and/or its product. Whoa.
But there’s more! A company name can also influence
the success or failure -- the very life or death
-- of the new entity itself!! Choose a crappy name, and you’ve
sealed the fate of your new product before anyone even buys
it (ooooh the pressure)! Think I’m overreacting? What
about the story of how Chevy’s Nova model wouldn’t
sell in Mexico for some strange reason? Come to find out,
“no va” translates to “it doesn’t
go” in Spanish, which also translated to no sales .
(Would you buy the “no go” car? Not unless you
wanted to be laughed at by your friends.)
And if that’s not enough, then there’s the acronym
to worry about, because nobody’s going to actually call
your new company whatever you name it. They’re going
to shorten it. So you might as well get ahead of them and
arrange the words to form a catchy phrase or acronym that
is loaded with meaningful connotations and is even better
than your original name in the first place. Case in point:
while, at first, you may like the sound of working for the
Professional University, upon reflection, do you really want
to say you’re an employee of P.U.? Please. (At the end
of the day, I think we’re all grateful that the creative
genius that is Dustin came up with something as inoffensive
as the footnote.)
In conclusion, naming is an important task, and not one to
be taken lightly. In fact, the act of naming can be hard work.
So perhaps I’ll take my friend out this evening to forget
about this naming thing for a while and enjoy a Tequila Sunrise
– which, come to think of it, is a great name for that
delicious combination of Tequila, Grenadine, and OJ. Hmm.
Naming drinks – now maybe that’s something I could
get into… |
