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Recently I had the pleasure of having all four of my wisdom teeth pulled. As exciting as that was, it's not what I’m writing about today. Instead, I’d like to take a moment to explore a more important topic - a topic that concerns us all: pillows.
You see, having had minor surgery allowed me to spend a great deal of time in bed (which was definitely not all bad). While I lay in bed trying very hard not to suck on the new weird little holes in my mouth, I had time to contemplate things like pillows.
For example, what’s up with down pillows? I have never liked them - your head sinks into them too far and pretty soon you feel like your face is being eaten by a well-meaning marshmallow. Yet all of the "nice" hotels seem to furnish them, as if they think that "luxurious" is synonymous with "suffocation." I wonder what the front desk at the Wyndham would do if you called down and asked them for some "crappy-ass" pillows. Maybe they’d bring you something with decent resilience. Or maybe they’d ask you to leave. Go figure.
And how come no one has ever (that I know of) come up with water-filled pillows? I mean, we’ve got water beds. Somebody out there must find them relaxing, or at least, less nauseating than I find them. Might these strange people not want to have water-filled pillows, as well? And don’t tell me they’d be too easy to pop. We’ve also got water bras these days, honey.
So, what about you guys? How do you like your pillows?
Guys seem to be your standard-issue one-pillow types. Straightforward, simple. They start out with a fluffy new pillow freshly bought from WalMart when they move away from home. It gradually gets less fluffy as time wears on, and they’re okay with that. Maybe if a girlfriend or wife points out how flat the pillow is, 15 years later, they’ll buy a new one, but mostly, guys are low-maintenance pillow types. I remember that when we were kids, my brother always seemed to have totally flat pillows. Like the offerings at the final-run discount movie theaters, these pillows were on their last legs of marketability. They were so shapeless that they barely qualified as pillows in my opinion. But that’s what he liked. To each his own.
Women seem to have slightly higher standards. (Didn’t need to tell you that, did I, guys?) Seriously. Women’s pillow preference seems to fall into one of two basic categories: there’s the "my-entire-bed-is-filled-with-pillows" princess, or the "please-pass-me-the-body-pillow" types. Personally I never got much into the whole body pillow thing. I mean, it’s comfy when start out the night, but as soon as you roll over it just becomes a big lump in the bed, and I always seem to kick it out by the morning, anyway. (Or maybe that part is just instinct—kicking things out of bed by morning...)
So I guess that I personally would fall into the first women’s category, although in reality I think I have become something of an uncategorizable pillow freak. Back in college days I could take whatever was given to me—sofa cushion, boyfriend’s rolled up jacket, boyfriend... But now that I’m older and wiser, things have changed. Now I want my pillows, and I want them my way, man! And that means - each night - a carefully crafted pillow tower. For the lower layer, two firm pillows. For the top layer, a smaller, slightly squishy one for my head. Now that may be a lot to ask, but what the heck! Life is short - live it up with whatever pillows your little head desires, I say!
Wow. All this talk of pillows has made me suddenly drowsy (or maybe that’s just the Percocet kicking in…). I’m off to enjoy my little tower of torpor now. May you be so fortunate as to do the same very soon. Enjoy those lovely rectangles of repose. You’ve earned it. Good night.
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