Man, what's the dilly with fashion, yo? I don't get it. If I tried to keep up with the trends, by the time I got something good and wearable, it wouldn't be in style any more. What's with that? I think fashion should have a clearly delineated schedule - like a fiscal year, only longer. The new fashion season starts on, say, the first day of every even year. That gives you at least two years to get your shit and know you're gonna be lookin' fly... if that's your thing. I'm not saying that's My thing. Hell, I don't have any kind of a thing that I'm aware of, actually. I mean, I've got some of the same shit I used to wear in high school and that was nigh on ten years ago. I'm not saying all of it fits like it did ten years ago, but I can't get rid of it. It's a part of me, you dig? I'm the comfort guy. You can pick us out - you see us at the mall with jeans that clearly if washed and dried one more time would simply have to be scraped out of the lint trap along with the novelty t-shirt that's so faded you can barely make out the "Mean People Suck." I love that shirt... still got it.
 But that's what I'm talking about: Those articles of clothing I can't live without. Is it some sort of heretofore unidentified neurosis? I had this pair of Converse One Stars for so long that they had mammoth holes in the bottom. I'm talking so big, sometimes when I put them on, I accidentally stuck my foot through the sole. And I only threw those away because all my friends had an intervention and said "Seriously, dude. Whoa." and forced me to. I like what I like and those things become a part of me. Like your favorite hooded sweatshirt you've had for years. Or that old baseball cap that has electrical tape holding the adjustment strap together. Some things have sentimental value - tings you remember you were wearing when important things happened to you. Like that old Lakers jersey you were wearing the first time the cops caught you doing the nasty in the back of your girlfriend's Grand Prix. You can't just forget stuff like that! These are things that make life memorable. These pieces are not just mere coverings for our person, but old friends. And as such, they cannot just be carelessly discarded simply because they're slightly worn out, don't fit like they used to, or they've gone out of style. Sometimes they even need little adjustments, like the aforementioned pair of jeans that you have to make into shorts because the drier ate one of the legs. You got another good five or six years comin' out of that new pair of shorts. I think it was Shakespeare who said, "'Tis better to have made your pants into shorts, than to have nothing on your ass at all." I'm paraphrasing - whatever.
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