Holiday Candy
 
So we got through Easter recently, and my bet is that we’re only a couple of pounds heavier as a nation for it. I mean, all of those fanatics on the Atkins diet notwithstanding, let’s face it - holidays are all about eating. I don’t care if it’s Christmas, Valentine’s Day, or the Fourth of July. It all comes down to having permission – no, more than that; to actually having a celebratory obligation – to totally pig out. Think about it. What do we associate with Thanksgiving? A turkey dinner. How about Valentine’s Day? A heart-shaped box full of chocolates. The Fourth of July? Meat on the grill and a beer, baby! (okay, okay, and maybe fireworks…)
 
Now, retailers know this little secret very well. (Hell, if I didn’t know better, I’d say they started it!) They love to push those “seasonal” foods on us, don’t they? And we eat it up – quite literally!  Especially candy.  I’m personally very big on this one.  For me, the holidays are all about the type of candy that is available. And I’ve got to tell you, when it comes to candy selection, all holidays are not created equal.
 
Take Valentine’s Day: when you walk into a grocery store in the month of February, you’re drowned in a frothy sea of pink tissue, red cardboard, and white lace. It’s as if the Pepto-Bismol man takes over the “seasonal” aisle – and that’s about as appetizing as it gets.  Unfortunately, no amount of pastel packaging can make up for the lack of good candy available during this “romantic” holiday. What gives, people? This is the holiday that is known for chocolate! But unless you’re lucky enough to have a boyfriend who knows the aphrodisiac power of Godiva (take note, guys), you’re going to be stuck with cheap chocolates trying to masquerade as worthwhile candy with the help of that heart-shaped box. Not good.  - And WHO in the world thought up those nasty little candy hearts with sayings on them?? Ugh. I mean they’re cute, sure, but has anyone ever been able to eat more than one without choking?  “Cute” should just not taste medicinal.
 
Halloween is better, of course. Here is another holiday that is known for its candy, but this one has an easier time living up to all the hype. You can get just about any kind of candy or chocolate that you could possibly want during Halloween, whether you’re a fan of Snickers, Starburst, black and orange jelly beans, jawbreakers, or the ubiquitous Bit-o-Honey. And since everyone is going to be passing out these little delights to the trick-or-treaters, they all come wrapped in convenient bite-sized packages. Perfect for hiding in your desk at the office to whip out when a chocolate attack hits mid-afternoon. Halloween is a candy-lover’s dream… almost.
 
There is, however, one kind of candy that you can’t get at Halloween. It’s the one kind of sweet treat that is available only once a year, and then disappears for eleven months. The kind of dessert that I wait for every year and then stockpile in my freezer when they finally appear, in an attempt to prolong the fantasy – I’m talking about Cadbury Eggs.
 
Yes ma’am! Cadbury Eggs are what make the Easter holiday the king of all candy holidays. Not only does Easter come with an entire arsenal of delicious treats – you’ve got peanut butter eggs, chocolate rabbits, and don’t forget the peeps! – but Easter is also the only time when you can buy Cadbury Eggs. Personally, I think we’re getting gypped here. How come we get to experience the world’s greatest candy only once a year?? You’d think that Cadbury would have gotten wise by now and realized that they could make a mint selling their magical creation at other times of the year.  Where’s their sense of capitalist greed, man? (Ok, ok, so they’re British – maybe they haven’t perfected the whole capitalist greed thing to the fine art that we Americans have.  But that’s a poor excuse for denying me my favorite chocolate.)  I mean, who could really object to a patriotic Fourth of July egg? We’re celebrating the birth of our nation, right? Eggs symbolize birth, right? It could even be red, white, and blue, for Pete’s sake! Or how about a heavenly crème-filled Christmas egg? Or hell, even just a black-and-orange egg for Halloween – that wouldn’t be hard… I hope that the Cadbury execs read this and realize that they are missing a big opportunity here. Other holidays need your non-sucky candy, Cadbury! Americans need another opportunity to go out and spend their hard-earned cash on your product!  And right now, I need to go to my freezer and break out a box of Cadbury Eggs.
 
See you next Easter.

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Laura is a seasoned regular of the footnote brigade. You are encouraged to send her chocolate-covered offerings whenever possible.