The
Wal-Mart Game
Oh. Em. Gee. As a part-time contributor and full-time
college student, I feel it is my civic duty to alert you
faithful readers of the latest and greatest craze sweeping
our nation* -- the Wal-mart game.
“What is this Wal-mart game?” you ask. Well,
it’s rather complex. First, you and your friends
need to go to Wal-mart. Second, split into teams of equal
member (two works well). Each team gets its own cart and
then proceeds to find a predetermined number (I like ten)
of the most random items possible in a set amount of time
(such as fifteen minutes). After each team has found said
items in said time, everyone meets up and trades carts.
The winner is the team who can put all of the items back
in their proper places in the least amount of time. The
whole process sounds quite simple, but I can assure you
that Wal-mart by no means has the most logical system
of stocking its items.
Take, for example, MAAS Metal Polishing Creme. This is
but one of the lovely items my Similar Sarah and I were
stuck with during our first playing of the game. We searched
(almost) everywhere -- particularly hardware and crafts
-- only to find (after losing) that metal polishing creme
is kept in the paper plate aisle next to the cleaning
supplies. Of course! How silly of us for not checking
the paper plate aisle!
Now
Sarah and I couldn’t just let the game end like
that, oh no. We had plans for the next game. Big plans.
Evil item number one: an outfit from the baby section
that was hidden behind another outfit on a low rack in
the middle of the department. Evil item two: a shoe. That’s
right -- just one. We took it out of the most inaccessible
box, too. (Taking only one shoe is now illegal in the
Wal-mart game, by the way, at least by our local rules.)
The third evil item was some kind of weird spray attachment
for kitchen faucets. Hardware? Nope. Found that one on
a hanging display in the paper towel aisle.
Of course, Sarah and I got stuck with some lovely items
our second round, too: a small stuffed bear from the craft
section (we were proud when we found that one), Pokemon
cards (which are found in the center check-out aisle with
the cigarettes), and hand soap that was not with the other
soaps as one would predict, but also in a check-out aisle.
So you see that the possibilities really are limitless,
especially if you’re lucky enough to have a Super
Wal-mart nearby. (The grocery section allows for myriad
extra items of great confusion.) So next time you’re
wondering what to do on Saturday night, gather a group
of friends and head to Wal-mart -- the ruthlessness and
cunning of the game will surely turn you all into enemies,
but who doesn’t need a few more enemies?
*Of course, by “nation,” I mean “my
group of college friends.” I must also give major,
major props to my friend Joe “the gnome” and
his friend the infamous Julie Olson for introducing me
to the game.
~~~~~
Heather
Grovemiller is an occasional contributor to the
footnote. The rest of her time is spent tediously
studying toward a bachelor's degree.
