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Baseball.
The sweet smell of the grass. The taste of the beer and dogs. The sun beating down. The crack of the bat. The plummeting over bleachers to try and catch a free T-shirt.
As much a tradition as spitting chew in the on deck circle, free stuff is running rampant at a baseball park near you. And I’m not just talking about a foul ball. I wish those were that easy to get. I can’t begin to tell you how many baseball games I've been to without getting a single ball. Some people get 2 or 3 in a game. I've never been close. Not even in Little League. The other kids always beat me to it. But I'll get one before my days are up. You’ve gotta have a goal in life.
I did get a T-shirt though. You know the ones. About 5 times a game, 3 highly skilled teenagers run onto the field and try to slingshot a shirt into the stands. Who cares if the shirt is 5 times smaller than your size? It’s the thrill of the hunt. I once saw a guy do an actual cartwheel over 2 rows of seats going after a T-shirt. He got it but lost his beer. Ahh, the sacrifice.
Programs here! Programs! Buy a $2 program! Keep score! See if your favorite player is in the lineup! Programs! We all know the real reason you buy a program: the giveaways. Waiting for the announcer to say "please turn to page 37. If you have Derek Jeter’s autograph, you win a year supply of hard tacos from Taco Bell!" Now that’s a sound investment. I myself am a geek and generally will keep score in the program.
You’ve gotta love the traditional promos, too: ball caps, magnetic schedules, team posters, bobbleheads. Yes! Sport’s greatest current trend: you can guarantee a sellout in any sport if you give one of these babies away. Talk about investing - spend $15-25 on a ticket to the game, get a free bobblehead and you are stacked with options:
1) Let your child shake it until the head pops off (great way to get on the jumbotron)
2) Guard it with your life, don’t open it and run home to put it on eBay.
3) Run home and throw it on your shelf with all the other 45 or so bobbles you’ve gotten for free in the past month. (This is the preferred choice of yours truly.)
Even if you can’t take home a complimentary thermo-mug, there is always free added entertainment. The San Diego Chicken. The Zooperstars. All Mascots! I loved mascots even before my girlfriend came into the picture. Well, she’s not a mascot; she’s a Costume Ambassador at the Columbus Zoo, but basically the same thing. Can you ever get enough of the Chicken kicking dirt on an umpire or Clammy Sosa swallowing a small child? This is pure genius!
Oh well, off to the game. It’s Dime-A-Dog night.
In the Cheap Seats, opinions grow rampant. So each column, I’ll bore you with my predictions for whatever is looming in the world of sports – my way of paying a little homage to my Pops, the real sportswriter. So call your bookie, here are my MLB predictions:
American League
East
1. Yankees: this offense is just too good
2. Red Sox: Pedro and SloMo keep the Sox hanging around
3. Blue Jays: Delgado needs to hit again
4. Devil Rays: 1st ever non-last place finish
5. Orioles: Cal couldn’t help these birds
Central
1. Twins: Experience and chemistry get them back to playoffs
2. WhiteSox: If bats fail, Sox drop
3. Royals: "Who are these F*in’ guys?"
4. Indians: Maybe in a few years
5. Tigers: Maybe Trammel should grab a glove
West
1. A’s: Zito, Mulder, Hudson dominate
2. Angels: Defending champs stay close
3. Mariners: Ichiro-OUT; Matsui-IN
4. Rangers: Big payroll will compete this year
National League
East
1. Phillies: Going with the bandwagon here
2. Braves: Maddux, you’re my only hope
3. Expos: Vlad deserves better than Puerto o Rico
4. Marlins: See Indians
5. Mets: Are they the New York Rangers?
Central
1. Cubs: A crazy dream comes true?
2. Cardinals: Pujols for MVP
3. Astros: Too bad there isn’t 2 wild cards
4. Reds: New ballpark has lots of pork products
5. Pirates: Are getting better
6. Brewers: Could combine with Detroit for 50 wins
West
1. Giants: More than just Bonds
2. Dodgers: Healthy Brown works miracles
3. Diamondbacks: Johnson/Schilling become human
4. Rockies: Helton could get Triple Crown
5. Padres: Season ended before Hoffman’s
World Series prediction:
Cub’s fans rejoice! You’ll lose the Series to the Bronx Bombers in 6.
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