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A night on the town with Cooz (A.K.A., Cousy), brought to you by Chucks Pucks, owned by Denis J. who is presented by AT&T, who is also brought to you by the Cereal Bowl.
Cooz - excuse me, is this the ‘Action Figures Anonymous’ meeting?
Some Guy - Nope, this ‘Sports Junkies’ meeting.
Cooz - Wow, even better. Is this seat taken?
Cooz sits down.
Moderator - Welcome everyone. I see we have a full house tonight. I anticipated that we would, considering that this is the one day of the year when none of the four major sports are playing.
Some Guy - 'Cept I don’t see Chuck. That guy has it so bad, he is probably at home watching the WNBA.
Cooz - Yikes! And I thought I had it bad.
Moderator - Let’s begin with some of the newer fellas. How 'bout you, in the orange.
Cooz (standing up) - I'm Cousy, and I am a Sports Junkie.
Everyone - COOOOOOO-ZEEEEEEEE!
Cooz - Thanks. I'm a fan of the Cubs, Yankees, Clippers, Crew, Browns, Buckeyes, Yellow Jackets, and at the top of the list, the Blue Jackets.
Guy from Michigan - Who are the Blue Jackets??!
Cooz - They are the NHL team in Columbus.
Guy from Cincinnati - Columbus has an NHL team?
Cooz -Yes, and does Cincinnati still have a football team?
Moderator - Well, Cousy, we try not to pick on guys and their teams. So, where does the name come from?
Cooz - I was named after my Dad. His friends gave him the nickname when he was younger. They said he played hoops like Bob Cousy. I was first born, so I got the name. My youngest brother is named after Mickey Mantle. So, my sports addiction hit me right from the beginning. Right now, my Dad loves Spongebob Sqaurepants, so it could be worse.
Moderator - I see. Well, before we take you off the hot seat, we like to have the guys throw out questions at ya'. Kind of like a lightning round.
Cooz - Ok
Moderator -Begin!
Random Guy -When was the last time you listened to FM radio?
Cooz - I can't remember… Maybe coming back from Cleveland when all the AM sports stations were out of frequency.
Random Guy - Do you watch TV shows?
Cooz - Does Sportscenter count?
Random Guy - Do you own game used equipment?
Cooz - Oh yeah. I can recreate Marc Denis if you'd like.
Random Guy - Ever caught a foul ball?
Cooz - Nope. Never been close. Had a puck whiz by my head once, but I didn’t get it.
Random Guy - Who has the best stadium dogs?
Cooz - Cincinnati is good. Lots of variety.
Random Guy - What's your opinion on Todd McFarlane and his relationship with sports?
Cooz - His toys are cool. He paid too much for the McGwire ball. And he is an asshole who stole my idea.
Random Guy - Should the ACC expand?
Cooz - Sure. I say get rid of all the conferences.
Random Guy - Will Lebron James live up to the hype?
Cooz - Not his first year. Down the road, yes.
Random Guy - Are the Rangers ruining hockey?
Cooz - Yes. Maybe they can buy out the NHL and start their own league.
Random Guy -Do you care about the NBA?
Cooz - Not unless there is money involved.
Random Guy - Bowl system or playoff?
Cooz - 8-16 team playoff.
Random Guy - Any good at trivia?
Cooz - Yeah. I even tried out for ESPN’s 2 Minute Drill.
Random Guy - Who do you hate?
Cooz - Michigan, the Red Wings, Red Sox, and Eric Lindros
Random Guy- Greatest Rivalries?
Cooz - Ohio State-Michigan, Avalanche-Red Wings, Cubs-Cardinals, and the Blue Jackets-Predators.
Random Guy - What's a Predator?
Random Guy - Best ESPN celeb?
Cooz - Dan Patrick
Random Guy- Worst thing in sports?
Cooz - Da' Bears football presented by Bank One. How can you possibly sell the name rights of your franchise?
Moderator - Ok, well I think we are done here. Thank you, Cousy. Well see ya' next week I hope.
Cooz sits down
Cooz -That wasn’t so bad. The ‘Action Figure Addicts/ are much worse.
Some Guy - No. The ‘Sports Action Figures Addicts’ is where you find the assholes and degenerates!
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