DJ: Hi people of the interwebs! Laura Redfern and I are going to blow your socks out of your minds with an in-depth analysis of the 1980 EPIC FILM... Flash Gordon!

Laura: Go, Flash, go!

DJ: Nice Dale-style cheering! Want to let the poor souls who haven't seen this gem know what it's about?

Laura: Well, I don't think I can do better than the one-sentence synopsis I found on Internet Movie Database, which puts it like this: "A football player and his friends travel to the planet Mongo and find themselves fighting the tyrant, Ming the Merciless, to save Earth." Yeah. And in the meantime, they get to wear some crazy cool outfits, and we all get to listen to music by Queen. 80s Sci-Fi at its best.

DJ: Crazy cool outfits indeed. Mongo is a gaudy place.

Laura: Kind of a cross between The Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, and The King and I.

DJ: Ha ha! That's exactly what it's like.

Laura: I mean, in what other classic flick can you watch the hero going to die nobly while wearing what amounts to a hefty bag?

DJ: Well, that's on his head... below are his skimpy black briefs. Rewatching Flash Gordon, I was surprised at the amount of skin, male and female, that’s in it. I didn't notice that crap as a kid, I guess.

Laura: That's funny, because I DID notice it as a kid. Wasn't old enough to get WHY all that flesh was interesting for the audience, but I do remember noticing how little they wore -- I think mostly I was concerned when they were doing the fighting -- i.e., “Hey! He's not wearing any armor! What an idiot!” I was way too practical as a child. And while we're on this lovely fashion little tangent, who else but Flash Gordon would wear a T-shirt sporting his own name? LOL!

DJ: I’ve always wanted a tee shirt that said D.J. KIRKBRIDE with a lightening bolt underneath!

LAURA: Rock!! I think you need to get one.

DJ: … Huh? Oh. Sorry. I spaced out there. My mind always goes to Flash in black briefs. I think the gold faced Darth Vader wannabe insists upon stripping those put to death down to their briefs… if they’re hotties.

Laura: With the "evil synthesizer" background music to set the mood...

DJ: The synth in this is SO EVIL. The bad guy evil synth is soul chilling. I love it.

Laura: Me, too! That riff was actually stuck in my head the day after I watched it... eerie.

DJ: Speaking of eerie, how about all the coincidences that go into the set up of this movie?

Laura: Whatever do you mean?

DJ: Okay... Ming the Merciless is having fun causing natural disasters on his “play thing” -- our planet. His special machine (with specific buttons for each disaster) is causing all sorts of trouble, and then he hits “HOT HAIL” for the kill. Meanwhile, Flash and Dale (the leading lady) happen to hitch the same small plane, and, like, Ming’s flying evil image makes the pilots disappear! And the hot hail is everywhere! And Flash has to crash land it! Where? In the greenhouse lab of crazy Dr. Zarkov (excitedly played by the uni-monikered Topol) -- who just so happens to know all about Ming's weather plans and is building a rocket ship to go up there and give him what for! And then and then... Flash and Dale get stuck on the ship, too, and and and... I'm out of breath. The movie is like an excited little kid rattling off a story.

Laura: Ah! I get you, but I must have had that "willing suspension of disbelief" thing going on, because while I was watching it, I really didn't stop to think about how all of those events are just SO coincidental... Actually I went into this viewing with a tongue-in-cheek "yeah right" kind of attitude, expecting to laugh at all the B-grade effects and bad acting, and I wasn't disappointed -- but it actually was still a good, fun, watchable film! Not at all the bad cheesy sci fi I was expecting to see; there were still some good messages in here!

DJ: Hmmm... I went in expecting crazy, colorful cheese, and that's exactly what I got. This movie is ridiculous in the best ways -- from the music to the design to the characters. It's definitely fun and watchable... but “good”? I don't know if I'd go that far. Glorious? Yes. Good? I'm not sure.

Laura: Okay, I'll give you that. But I guess I was struck by the fact that it wasn't BAD. And, like I said, the message -- albeit cheesy! -- is good: the power of the human spirit, the strength of teamwork -- classic themes here, even if they are presented through characters in gold plates and early versions of spandex.

DJ: You're right -- there are good messages and themes in this. It's a fun story of heroes and villains... But it's told with the tongue so far in the cheek, it's about to poke out of the mouth. (That's gross. Sorry.) This movie is so camp it stops being camp then becomes camp again. And that's not an insult. I think (hope) that the filmmakers were going for this aesthetic. Still, that doesn't mean that the story of fighting for freedom and hope and all of that are silly ideas.

Laura: Right on, man! So here's my quandary: if it has these big themes, and, I swear, half of the same planets and creatures as Star Wars, why does Flash Gordon come across as hopelessly "cheesy" and Star Wars as a solid "classic"?

DJ: Well... Star Wars has fooled a lot of people into not thinking it's cheesy. It is. The acting in that one is comparable in a lot of ways with Flash Gordon. But... it had a little more taste. Where Star Wars has gray metal ships and the blackness of space with a John Williams score, Flash Gordon has gold and red ships in the most colorful space I've ever seen all to the cheesiest music Queen ever produced.

Laura: Excellent point. Not to mention that the costumes of the Hawk Men would make Daisy Duke blush.

DJ: Ha ha! Yes! It's interesting, though, that the original Flash Gordon comic strips and movie serials heavily influenced Star Wars, but then the Flash Gordon movie is, in a lot of ways, a Star Wars wannabe.

Laura: I thought so as I was watching it!! I mean, I think I even said it out loud when we got to Prince Barin's planet, which was a freaking Ewok Village, only without the Ewoks. There are just too many similarities to start listing them all!

DJ: Yep, though Ewoks came after this flick… I’m a nerd. Still, yeah, the producers probably said, "That Star Wars made a lot of money! Let's make something like that!!!" Though, I'd take a mustachioed Timothy Dalton badass over those damn Ewoks any day. Dalton RULES!

Laura: ESPECIALLY in TIGHTS -- yum!

DJ: This movie is horny. That's the only way to put it. All the women are scantily clad babes who all want to get it on with the strapping Flash -- who is pretty willing to oblige so long as that Dale stays out of his head.

Laura: I KNOW! Isn't it great?! My mom commented that it was a very testosterone-driven film, and I said yeah -- it's all guns, guys, and boobs!

DJ: Even Ming has his sci-fi Viagra and room full of floozies.

Laura: Ahem. On a side note, did you know that the film actually won some serious movie awards?

DJ: Awards? Like what?

Laura: Three BAFTA Film Awards, for Best Costume Design, Best Original Film Music, and Production Design/Art Direction -- all the great things we were just making fun of.

DJ: Here's the thing: I genuinely like Flash Gordon, but it’s so goofy that I HAVE to make fun of it.

Laura: Any movie that ends with a robot telling us “The Earth has been saved; have a nice day" -- that's just damn goofy!!

DJ: Yes! And when Flash and Dale fall in love for no reason, really, resulting in declarations like "Flash, I love you! But we only have fourteen hours to save the earth!" How can you not love a movie with a line like that?

Laura: Oh, that line is awesome! It's right up there with my other favorite line when they are reciting the wedding vows, and the minister asks Ming, "Do you promise not to blast her into space?" I think I should re-do my wedding and add that. It's an important part of the commitment, really.

DJ: Some of the greatest, campiest little asides and one liners in this movie... I'm smiling just thinking about it. It's just got this "Let's get 'em, gang! Go team! Hooray movie!” attitude that is infectious. From the Flash football fight to those crazy Hawk Men to Zarkov being a loon to Ming's eyebrows... it's GREAT!

Laura: Ah, Ming's eyebrows... gotta love it! They have a life of their own, don't they? Kind of like Flash's super-thick blonde hair -- I swear I thought we had switched to a shampoo commercial when he got caught in the quicksand.

DJ: It's like... he's the EXACT OPPOSITE OF MING! Flowing blond man-locks versus baldhead. Good versus evil. Shitty actor versus awesome scenery chewer. It's all there. Never thought of it until now.

Laura: Awesome!! I think you're on to something there.

DJ: It’s pretty deep shit.

Laura: Want another useless bit of trivia?

DJ: Of course, I love trivia!

Laura: The actor who plays Ming is one of the few actors to have played both God (in The Greatest Story Ever Told) and the Devil (in Needful Things) -- oooooh.

DJ: Niiiiiice. Max von Sydow rules. Anyone who doubts should watch Flash Gordon IMMEDIATELY. It’s pretty much the greatest movie in the history of movies, isn’t it?

Laura: If you're looking for costumes, sets and music which would send any flamboyantly gay man into little fits of joy, then yes, without a doubt.