DJ: Welcome young and old, sassy and surly, to yet another edition of the infamous "Spoiler Warning Summer Movie Series." With me is young Adam P. Knave, and we shall be discussing the classic sci fi flick The Day the Earth Stood Still!

Adam: Klaatu barada nikto!

DJ: Bueno. Sir Adam, why don't you tell our readers what The Day The Earth Stood Still is about while I finish knitting this extra long, old school Dr. Who style scarf for Dustin?

Adam: Sure thing, man. The Day The Earth Stood Still is about Klaatu, who baradas a nikto! Or, in other words, he comes to Earth to try and preach peace and hopes to find a unified planet. But he don't. ‘Cause we're damn dirty apes. So he... well, he escapes, see... and... yeah, that's kinda a stretch, but anyway, he goes all Jesus, and then his robot, Gort, does shit.

DJ: That's almost word for word how director Robert Wise pitched the film to the studio.

Adam: It wouldn't surprise me at all. Sad side story for you: I mentioned to a friend I was doing this tonight, and he asked what I was reviewing. So I said that all too famous phrase we all know and love: “Klaatu barada nikto.” His eyes lit up, and he said "Oooo, Army of Darkness?" I almost hit him.

DJ: Well, in the interest of complete honesty, that's where I first heard "Klaatu barada nikto," too. There's no shame in it, man. Both flicks are classics... from a certain point of view.

Adam: Yeah, but he hadn't seen or even heard of The Day The Earth Stood Still.

DJ: Well, that just ain't right, then.

Adam: Anyway! So the film. Still relevant?

DJ: It sure as hell is. Just as relevant now as it was in 1951, I'd say. This is the great kind of sci fi that uses a robot and spaceship to make a moral and political statement -- the one in The Day The Earth Stood Still being, "Stop blowing shit up, or someone else will blow you up." Yeah, very relevant in this day and age.

Adam: Possibly even more relevant now than it was during the cold war. I mean, sure, it looked back towards WWII, but in the cold war, really, the lesson was lost on the Duck and Cover turtle. Now though? Maybe it should be mandatory viewing for heads of state. With a test after. At least study questions.

DJ: Definitely. The way that Klaatu, under the clever guise of "Mr. Carpenter," simply views the earth as one world with no time for petty governments and their squabbles when looking at the big picture is simple and right on the money.

Adam: And, to take the film somewhere it was probably never meant to go at all -- run with me a second -- the SF field in the time was a lot younger. Many authors tended to make worlds where there was a city. And on that planet, the city was it. ONE CITY. "It rained on Glavox IV," ya' know? And I want to make this into a commentary on the lax writing habits of writers at the time. I know it isn't, but it works that way. "Hey idiots, stop treating planets as single objects! Why wouldn't they have factions as well?"

DJ: Well, in the case of this particular flick, I think Klaatu's planet used to be like Earth, but they wised up and started working together. It seems to me to be the classic, "primitive earthlings" kinda scenario.

Adam: Well, yeah, but it doesn't quite hang. And all apologies to "Farewell to the Master" by Harry Bates, which the film was based on, because I'm sure Bates committed the same literary crimes his fellow writers did. You can't escape my eye, Bates! I know what you wrote last summer!

DJ: See, I didn't even know it was based on a book. You're so damn well read, m'friend.

Adam: Short story. And I’m not well read!

DJ: See! I didn't even know it was a short story!

Adam: A friend mentioned it to me in passing. Without knowing I was doing this. Go team luck!

DJ: That's neat. And don't be shy about your well read... ed... ness... ahem.

Adam: Enough with the deep shit, how were the hats in the film, do you think?

DJ: The hats were, in a word, awesome. The whole style of the 50s is capital to me. Just capital! I love it that everyone tucks their shits in, and the men wear hats, and the ladies are dolled up, and even the little dumbass kids like Bobby in this flick sometimes just wear ties on un-special occasions.

Adam: They had class back then. And I don't mean like Mr. Kotter had class. I mean true class. Without Barbarino.

DJ: If movies and my grandparents are to be believed, everyone was just more formal. I'm a slob, but maybe I wouldn't have been if born in that time. Of course, I'd also pull my pants up to my tits, which would be unfortunate.

Adam: I will admit to finding suits to be incredibly comfortable to wear. I just don't have the bank to support the habit. Maybe I need a robot like Gort to raise me some dough.

DJ: That’s merely the fashion part of the style I like in this movie. Everyone speaks very clearly, almost clipped at times, and they're all so polite to each other. I mean, sure, the dumb humans break Klaatu’s gift and then shoot him right after he comes out of his ship with his message of peace, but even then, there's not a lot of yelling.

Adam: I just really like it this flick. I consider it in line with the most important SF films committed to… well... film.

DJ: Indeed. Oh, and, we gotta talk about Gort. What a badass giant, well, kinda tall robot. All seamless and stiff yet still wears what appears to be underwear. That's just oddly endearing.

Adam: Like Iron Man. He was a superhero, Gort was. Underwear on the outside style. Rocking it literally old school.

DJ: Hell yeah. And, damn, that robo-bastard could blow up a whole city with his eye beams!

Adam: Something not seen again until Sophia in Golden Girls.

DJ: That show was very much inspired by 50s sci fi in a lot of ways. I actually think Dorothy was more inspired by Gort than Sophia was, at least in body type and physical power.

Adam: Very good point, but it was Sophia who had the blasting peepers. Still, yes, Golden Girls was a remake, in longer, serialized form, of The Day The Earth Stood Still.

DJ: They were able to flesh the story out a bit more. Still, I like how simple and fat free The Day The Earth Stood Still is. Just a really streamlined, to the point, focused movie.

Adam: And it had a whole second coming of Jesus vibe tacked on for good measure STILL without gaining weight.

DJ: Right! "Mr. Carpenter" -- Pretty on the nose with that one.

Adam: Yeah. Though... did Jesus have a robot?

DJ: It's not in the Bible in its CURRENT form... The stories of boy Jesus and his robot friend are hidden away at the Vatican.

Adam: Or -- WAIT A HOT SECOND -- I have it! Gort! Between “R” and “T” is the letter “S,” right? And on a keyboard the “S” is next to the “D.” GORT = GOD?!

DJ: Holy crap... someone call The 700 Club.

Adam: Klaatu barada nikto, Mr. Robinson!

DJ: Wow... wow! So, aside from the 80s TV and Biblical tie in’s -- this movie, huh? Really cool black and white picture, decent -- though occasionally B movie in a good sense -- acting, seamless alien technology-- I like the damn thing a lot.

Adam: Yeah, it still hangs together well, has a firm message that works, and is a lot of fun -- an all around good film.

DJ: The only thing is that I fear today's audience, obviously, will find it slow just because there aren't tons of explosions, overdramatic emoting, and the like.

Adam: Well, sure, the pacing is off by modern standards, but maybe it's a good reason to learn to sit still. The Twitch Generation will just have to relearn how to enjoy a good film.

DJ: That'd be good for 'em. Shit, I'm sometimes one of them, so I have to work at first to get used to the slower pace and stillness of a lot of the scenes. The basic story is very timely, and I'm honestly surprised a Joel Silver or Jerry Bruckheimer hasn't snagged up the remake rights for some bombastic summer blockbuster yet. Glad, yes, but still surprised.

Adam: Michael Bay presents "EARTH STOOD DAY.” It's an exciting tale of some guys and a robot that chases them and some alien in a jumpsuit who he wants peace, but they want JUSTICE for a drug deal gone wrong.

DJ: Giant CG Gort! Brad Pitt as Klaatu! Angelina Jolie as the mom! Shia LaBeouf as stupid Bobby! Money in the bank! I hope Joel Silver doesn't read this... Unless he hires us to write the remake.

Adam: At which point we replace Gort with a robot burrito and Klaatu with talking a hat, and… we're DONE.

DJ: “The Day the Burritohat Taught Earth a Lesson… In AWESOME.”

Adam: Hey, question for you…

DJ: Bring it.

Adam: Is this the first “Spoiler Warning” where the reviewers have found God?

DJ: Maybe... sometimes a reviewer is with God from the start... or God is carrying them... but, yeah, I don't think a reviewer who didn't know God going in has ever found Him in a “Spoiler.” Rejoice!

Adam: And all we had to do was realize he was a briefs wearing robot!

DJ: Aaaand... the scarf is done. Dustin's gonna love this.

Adam: I need a drink.

DJ: I'm already drinkin'!

Adam: That's why you're in charge, and I'm the novice, man.

DJ: Maybe Mr. Carpenter will make that water you have there into something a little... tastier.