1. Do you like blue cheese?
Well, I did, but I heard blue cheese said I’m a poser. So I told Erin to tell Monica to tell Chirtle to tell Blue Cheese that that was soooooo pot calling the kettle black. I mean really. Are you even cheese? You’re more mold than cheese, but do you see mold in the name? Ohhh, nooooo. Not since middle school when you mysteriously dropped it. Oh, I’m sorry, was no one supposed to know about that?

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
I thought you injected heroin! Man, I’m so not drug cool!

3. Do you own a gun?
People with my sorts of attitude problems probably shouldn’t own weaponry lest my husband finally decide he’s had enough of me.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
Okay, finally something I can school you Vermonters about. There are TWO things that you should drink at Sonic. Either a Cherry Limeade or a Vanilla Dr. Pepper. The C.L. has actual cherries and limes. The Vanilla DP, well, Sonic was doing it way before DP bottled it. There’s actual vanilla in there. Mmmmmm. And get a Route 44, for Jeebus’ sake!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not as nervous as <I>they</I> get.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I like them as a friend, but I don’t think we could take it any further. I just don’t want to ruin what we have.

7. Favorite Christmas Song?
“Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” lifts the mood at any holiday party!

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
I think the Bloody Mary really works you into the heavier drinking for the day… oh, wait… um, I mean I like water, and I usually have tea and maybe some juice.

9. Can you do push ups?
I can do a few. I suck at them. The only thing I suck harder at is pull-ups. Remember on National Identify the Fat Kid Day (a.k.a. your P.E. fitness test) how they’d make you try to do them in front of everyone. Seventy-five sit-ups in a minute and all they can do is mock me for hanging there like a rhesus monkey on the chin-up bar.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My wedding and engagement ring and my watch. Before you “awwww,” I was really impressed that my Arthur managed to find something so unique and so me. There, now “awwww.” My watch is just awesome. Oh wait, this doesn’t fit the theme for my answers… My shrunken head on a rope.

12. Favorite hobby?
Knife throwing, curling, world domination, and needle point. What are, “Things I can’t do, Alex?”

13. Do you work with people who idolize you?
ob·vi·ous (ob-vee-uhs) adj. Easily perceived or understood; quite apparent.

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
Sausages! Sausages!

15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself?
My inability to be wrong makes most debates cumbersome and boring.

16. Middle name?
Aloysius

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment...
1. Who the hell decided how to pronounce “Aloysius”?
2. Dave needs to get some control over the runniness of his ranch dressing.
3. See the answer to #14 about A.D.D.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
1. Someone’s silence.
2. Happiness.
3. Sri Lanka. (It was an impulse buy.)

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink.
Water, Tea, Bat Urine (good for the pores.)

20. Current worry right now?
That people won’t believe I drink bat urine and I’ll lose my impeccable credibility?

21. Current hate right now.
Alphabetically: Aardvarkian Abakenezer Who…I…HATE YOU!

22. Favorite place to be?
At home. Amongst the chaos of my beasts.

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
Okay, this one I have to answer honestly because it’s so fantastic. We ate pizza, drank beer, and had a Die Hard Marathon during which we watched all four movies.

24. Where would you like to go?
Most places besides New Jersey. Or Hell. Unless they have a good vacation package.

25. Name three people who will complete this.
Chirtle, Erin has already finished, and Monica will start but grow apathetic halfway through. That’s why I copied Jim. Give her the strength to continue!

26. Who's answer do you want to read the most?
That should be “whose.” Well wait, I don’t know. Erin, what does the Chicago Book of I Know Everything Ever EVER About Grammar say?

27. What color shirt are you wearing?
I’m not wearing one. Oh, wait -- it’s grey and black.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheet?
Yes, but just a singular one, as indicated in the question.

29. Can you whistle?
In a really low crappy interrupted type way that makes me sound like I’m wheezing. Right now at least six of you just thought, “Ohhhh, she was WHISTLING then.”

30. Favorite color(s)?
Burnt Sienna and Cornflower.

31. Would you be a pirate?
You say that like I’m not already. I may already have plundered your booty! *snicker*

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Instrumentals. You should hear my Beethoven’s Fifth. 33. Favorite girl's name?
Wait, like the name that’s my favorite? Or the name of the girl that is my favorite? Aloysius.

34. Favorite boy's name?
Englebert. By the way, I want you to know that the spell check helpfully suggested that Englebert is two words, Engle and Bert. What, like Freidrich Engle? *crickets*

35. What's in your pocket right now?
Whilst trying to be a smart ass and googling: Lyrics “I’ve got a pocket full of”, I have been informed that I have a pocket full of Change, Dreams, Secrets and Money.

36. Last thing that made you laugh.
I believe it was John informing us that he was going to tell us all to go sell Log Homes. Prior to that it was Erin’s comment about being really curious to know what “inquisitive” meant and also her farting kitten picture.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
I had a king sized waterbed from the time I was about two until I was fourteen or so. Do you know how hard it is to find kiddo sheets for that? I had some scary rainbow ones, but I guess the coolest were light coffee colored and had line drawings of cats on them.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Being here at work sometimes hurts my soul.

39. Do you love where you live?
Where else would I love? At the neighbors’ house? That would be awkward…

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Three, although I’m still trying to find a 7” flat screen for my bathroom so that I can re-enact Cribs in miniature. I was really excited because I thought I found one at Big Lots, but it was a digital picture frame. I guess I could take a lot of still shots of Scarface and put them back to back…

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Moxy. She keeps barking at the deaf cat. It’s really going nowhere.

42. How many dogs do you have?
No “dogs.” I have a dog-shaped pony though.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
ob·vi·ous (ob-vee-uhs) adj. Easily perceived or understood; quite apparent.

45. What is your favorite book?
Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated… in hardcover of course, for the coffee table. To put on the coffee table, not because my coffee table is unruly and uncouth. Although it is. Terribly so. It’s embarrassing at parties, always getting drunk, swearing, hitting on the ladies, and passing gas. Distasteful. But I digress…

46. What is your favorite candy?
The first one that hires me to endorse it.

47. What is your favorite sports team?
See above.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Probably the most appropriate one would be “30,000 Pounds of Bananas” by Harry Chapin.

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
I think that was when I was having the dream about fighting vampires. I was also preparing to be rudely awakened by a large puppy with a small bladder.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
“WHY DOES SUCH A LARGE PUPPY HAVE SUCH A SMALL BLADDER?!”