In an era where really great comic strips no longer live in the daily paper (save for maybe Dilbert), it's always great to stumble on one that really hits the mark. In this case, it happened within a strip of Foxtrot, which sadly only publishes on Sundays these days. It's sad because it's consistently funny, smart, and topical, which is something the comic page has largely been lacking for some time. I could go off on a tangent at this point about the decline of the syndicated cartoon and how everything has become a vast wasteland since Calvin and Hobbes went away (yes, I'm one of those people), but instead I will offer a quick "huzzah" to Foxtrot creator Bill Amend for crafting strips that are generally awesome in a world where most others really aren't.
So the joke of last Sunday's Foxtrot was that video game "Guitar Hero" -- a game where you use a fake guitar to "play" along with rock songs both classic and modern -- was somehow too racy for the likes of the Fox household. In turn, the geeky young Jason Fox and his friend were forced to play "Chamber Music Hero," complete with woodwind and cello game controllers equivalent to the fake guitars that you get with the former.
Naturally, I dorked out on this and almost went into a giggle fit, though the feeling came to an abrupt halt when I realized that I sort of wanted to play that game, which is probably telling of some other issues.
I've not actually played "Guitar Hero." I have, however, been lucky enough to play its more grandiose cousin, "Rock Band," which lets you not only rock out on guitar, but also on electric bass, drums, and vocals (being graded on your ability to match pitch through a sort of karaoke system). Playing Rock Band at my friend Dennis's 30th birthday party was both tremendous and ridiculous -- ridiculous because most of the people at the party had majored in music and were accomplished at playing most of the instruments involved, so it was, in effect, like riding a tricycle to some of them; but yet it was tremendous if only because it didn't involve a lot of genuine musicianship beyond keeping with the rhythm. And also because a lot of the people playing were staggeringly drunk.
When my turns came up, I mostly stuck to doing vocals because, frankly, I'd been intimidated by the abilities of some of these other guys and gals since school. I had a really strong desire to stick to what was allegedly "my territory," which worked out reasonably well until they picked songs that I didn't really know -- for someone who has spent a healthy chunk of time working in the concert industry, my knowledge of modern rock and pop is pretty laughable. I've got a really huge hole in my mind's playlist that spans from 1990-1997, because I went through a phase where I listened to nothing but Billy Joel, Journey, and a whole lot of other stuff from the 70s and 80s that I just was kind of stuck on.
I may still be in that phase, actually.
So, having run out of material that I either knew, wasn't afraid to sing, or was able to fake (thanks to The Killers for writing melodic lines easy enough to predict), I ventured onto other instruments. I played bass on "Roxanne," by The Police, which may have been the highlight of my Rock Band experience. What young boy doesn't want to be Sting when he grows up? Then I took a huge leap and tried playing the drum kit for a few songs, a feat which was terrifying because I was sure I would be the one to make the band fail at the song (the game will stop you if one or more players don't "play" well enough). Surprisingly my coordination showed up for the first time ever and I made it through, thanks in no small part to being set on the "easy" level I'm sure.
But this whole "Chamber Music Hero" bit from Foxtrot was just great -- I wish that I'd come up with it. Although now that I've caught the theme, I definitely want to push for other titles like "Gregorian Chant Hero," because nothing says "I'm a freaking rock star" like a Benedictine Monk. Probably a better title would be along the lines of "Marching Band Hero," which could combine the action of playing an instrument while marching up and down on a pad, hitting the required footsteps like you would while playing Dance Dance Revolution. Actually, that's a really bad idea. That could result in serious personal injury, as could its close cousin "Showchoir Hero," which would probably have to be for the Nintendo Wii so it could really tell whether or not you're doing the right sort of "jazz hands" choreography. The problem is, both of these games could spell disaster for furniture, pets, and friends and plus nobody wants to get tipsy and play a game where the bonus level involves playing euchre on a school bus.
It does occur to me that Chamber Music Hero maybe isn't such a fantastical idea after all -- take, for example, the fact that the aforementioned Sting recently released an album of songs and lute music by English renaissance composer John Dowland. (If you have not seen or heard this with your own senses, I encourage you to take a quick spin to your online retailer of choice and check it out.) So there you have it: when you get famous enough to do whatever the hell you want, you can take a few flights of fancy. Which makes Sting something else -- a Lute Hero.
Like I said, who wouldn't want to be Sting when they grow up?
