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Hello and welcome to another edition of the “Beyond Book Club.” I am your host, Hemingway. |
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And I am your other host, Ayn. |
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This time out we will look at Dickens' <I>A Christmas Carol</I>. |
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A horrible, wretched book. |
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Excuse me? |
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Look at it! This poor man, doing everything he can in the market to win, to survive, is dragged across the coals by supposed ghosts and made to feel bad for not giving people undeserved handouts! |
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I think it is a charming story. Touching even. |
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Charming? Touching? You? |
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A real man is not afraid to feel emotion. Your lovers would have hidden theirs from you, I realize, but this is not the normal way. |
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Oh, shut up. I suppose you are going to tell me you cry. |
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I have been known to squirt a few tears in my time. Tears of whiskey. Pure aged whiskey. Because I am, after all, a man. But tears nonetheless! |
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So defend this tripe. |
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Scrooge is unflinching and uncaring. Sometimes you simply must help your fellow man. |
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Lies. |
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And sometimes you must do it around the holidays. To shine the best part of yourself. |
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Bullshit! It is full of the lies of the weak and desperate trying only to bring down the great. |
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So any sort of charity is verboten? |
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Charity, yes! Helping someone because you simply wish to help, of course. However, if you try and force someone into charity it is not helping; it is theft. |
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Even during the holidays? |
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More bullshit spun to try and make the mighty feel guilty for being who they are. |
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You've never sung carols, have you?
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Why the hell would I? |
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Exactly so, woman. Exactly so. Regardless of your cheerless, bleak worldview, this novel is full of magic and whimsy and more than just a dollop of human kindness. We need more of it, I feel. |
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So you should have written tripe like this? |
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It could use more guns, grit, and maybe some whiskey. |
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At least you, sir, are predictable. |
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Oh, I got you a present, Ayn. |
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Excuse me? |
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Yes. A present, yes, yes. |
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I do not want it. |
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What? |
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It is probably a trick. |
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It isn't. |
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Fine, what is it? |
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A harpy bobble head doll. |
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I hate you. |
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Merry Christmas, folks! |
