For some time now there have been active searches by various scientific minds to seek the one single unitary “Theory of Everything.” While I can’t reconcile the Big Bang with the physics of a butterfly wing’s effects on the outcome of American Idol, I have been considering a similar comprehensive theory that guides human behavior, and with it all the political and social messes we seem to have problems getting a grip on.

I call it the “Selfish Bastard Theory.”

Simply put, generally speaking, individual humans are all selfish bastards. Okay, maybe a good number of them were born legitimately. But in this context “bastard” is more the slang notion of when someone has taken the last cookie without considering you might want that cookie, too, and you think, “That BASTARD!” Yeah, that’s what I mean.

We forget this simple principle at our own peril. President Bush marched us into Iraq to give the citizens there freedom (It’s even in the name, “Operation Iraqi Freedom,” so it must be true.), based on the belief that every human desires freedom, and thus unencumbered freedom would be the natural result.

And it’s true, sorta. Every person does desire freedom -- for his or her self. Beyond that -- no guarantees.

Each person is born totally helpless yet has the worldview that the universe revolves around him or her. So you take and grab and hold and find that increasing amount of personal freedom feels good. So you take on all you can handle. Every concession of personal freedom to others comes with a tradeoff, or you don’t want to let it go.

On the other hand, we are social animals; no one can make it alone. So you want freedom for yourself and a circle of others who can help you. The others, in turn, are individually selfish and thinking the same thing.

So our sample man believes in freedom and liberty for himself, then his family, and then his community. That community may be a tribe or circle of friends or a worship group or whatever. But the wider the circle gets, the harder it is to trust and to feel that it benefits the man himself.

Thus, our default is to go tribal. More mature thinking results in more complex societies. Today’s civilization has brought us a lot of countries (like the U.S.) where people realize that if everyone has freedom -- even ensuring freedom for strangers and people you don’t like -- then each individual benefits. And the selfish bastard within thinks, “Sounds great!”

But you have to learn that; it doesn’t come naturally. Before you can have a completely free society, you have to grok how it works first.

Before I go any further, I have to note that this isn’t a “Greedy Bastard Theory.” (I’ve felt the temptation to call it that myself.) In fact, by being selfish without being greedy, the problem is harder to deal with -- “I’m not doing anything wrong; I’m only selfishly grasping at my fair share.”

So you see how this is obviously part of our problems in the Middle East. Every group in the fight is looking out for their own interests. Until you hear Iraqis say the American cliché, “I don’t believe in what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it,” you’re not going to have a true American-style democracy.

That’s fine for foreign relations, but how does Selfish Bastard Theory work in other issues? This is supposed to be an all-purpose theory after all.

New topic? Okay, take abortion.

At this point you may be thinking I mean that those who have abortions are unjustifiably selfish. No, I’m not putting this on those troubled souls. I’m putting this on you.

Not just you reading this -- “you” in general.

Consider why we have roughly a million of the procedures a year in the U.S., with none of them ordered by a court, government official, or law. Since it’s not the same million women every year, that adds up to a lot of people having them, when none are mandatory. Simply put, we have abortion in this country because we want it. You could argue that most don’t, but even among those who find it abhorrent, many don’t mind having it there as an option.

This is a case of our learned morality clashing with the inner selfish bastard. On one hand, we don’t want this done. This triggers the thought of destroying our own wanted children, which selfish self declares is a bad thing -- “I want that progeny, don’t kill it, it’s mine mine mine!” -- But on the other hand, selfish self loves his kids but could care less for yours. After all it’s YOURS, not his, so deal with it on your own. Abortion upsets selfish self, so don’t do that. But don’t burden him with your bundle of not-mine, either. It’s best you just go away quietly and spare us the details.

As politics and campaigns come and go, watch what our leaders say and propose -- and what they do. Are they keeping the selfish bastard in check, or are they securing something for themselves or their tribes? Since it is human nature to do the latter, that’s probably what will happen.

Remember this the next time a legislative body full of millionaires says it will “tax the rich.”