I apologize that it’s been over a year since my last entry, as well as having to keep this one brief, but I need to conserve my energy after what we’ve just gone through. On August 6 of last year, Megadeath and I were kidnapped by Muslim militants while making our way into Cairo. We had been held captive in the basement of a small pizzeria right near the McDonald’s that’s next to the Sphinx. We were forced to knead pizza dough for sixteen hours a day. Poor Megadeath and his tiny little paw-claw-hand things (what exactly does a turtle have?) were bruised and bloody after just the first day.

About three weeks ago -- while our kidnappers were out on a sauce run -- we managed to escape by using an enormous amount of yeast and dough to burst through the door. I’m never eating pizza again.

We made it to a small airstrip just outside of Cairo and I had to do an unmentionable act upon a man old enough to remember prohibition in order to get him to give us a biplane ride out of the country. He dropped us in a field somewhere in Kenya where we had to outrun a wildebeest, and we ended up spending twelve or so nights in a cave eating Golden Rumped Elephant Shrews and whatever bird eggs we could find.

We’re now in Madagascar, staying at the home of a veterinarian who has helped heal Megadeath’s wounds as well as done some amazing chiropractic work me. Things are much more relaxed now, and we can finally concentrate on running from U.S. law enforcement.

Until next time…