Melancholy Dog is a file clerk on the weekends. He and Co-worker Mike finish a shift, hit the pub. They choose a table, order drinks.
 
Melancholy says, "Beer talks to me. Have I mentioned that? It whispers to me like a lover."
 
"Maybe you shouldn't tell people this. It's okay to keep secrets."
 
"I won't hide my feelings," Melancholy says, caressing his beer mug. "Beer and I love one another."
 
"I guess it's okay. As long as the beer isn't causing other objects to talk to you."
 
"No, no. She's very jealous. Besides, I can justify it either way. If alcoholism is a form of anthropomorphism, then drinking beer is a legitimate form of love."
 
"Or, you know... not."
 
"I'll ask my therapist," Melancholy says. "See if I can get her approval to drink more."
 
"I forgot that you've started with a new therapist. How's that going?"
 
"Good," Melancholy replies. "Surprisingly good."
 
"Really? I don't know if I like this. What do we do if this works?"
 
"What do you mean?"
 
"If therapy ends up working... if your depression goes away... what do I call you? You won't be Melancholy Dog anymore."
 
"Er. I didn't think of that," Melancholy says. "I don't think 'Dog' would work on it's own."
 
"That's too non-descript. You'd need a new adjective."
 
"Indifferent Dog? Fair-To-Middlin' Dog?"
 
"There are no good alternatives," says Mike. "You have to stay depressed."
 
"You're right. I'd have to change the name on my driver’s license, my mail... This mental health crap is way too inconvenient."
 
"Your name seriously limits your options. Depression is a must."
 
"Thanks for reminding me."
 
"I'm a friend. It's what I'm here for. The therapy thing... it's just surprising. I thought you hated the whole idea of it."
 
"I did," replies Melancholy. "After the other guy, my expectation was that this would completely suck. But... it's going okay so far. I wonder: is it possible for a lack of irony to be ironic?" "I don't know," Mike says. "If one were anticipating an ironic conclusion and none were to occur, you could possibly refer to it as 'ironic non-irony.'"  "That seems to be the case here. I'm finding therapy to be at least somewhat helpful... which is not at all what I had anticipated. The lack of therapeutic irony is ironic." Mike considers this for a bit, says, "Actually, now that I think about it, I was wrong. The fact that you were anticipating irony kind of ruins it. Irony is when the opposite of what you expect occurs. So, if you expect irony, it by definition cannot happen."  "Which means that... if I'm understanding this... a non-melancholy Melancholy Dog is not 'ironic non-irony.’ It's just... not irony.”

"Yes. It isn't," Mike replies.

Melancholy feels dizzy. "Glad we cleared that up."