Melancholy and Mike are at a pub. Melancholy finishes his beer and orders another. "Hey," Melancholy says to Mike, "if you could choose an evolutionary adaptation for yourself, what would you go with?”

"What do you mean?" Mike asks.

"Like, gills? Wings? What sort of body alteration would you want?"

"Hmm. I don't know."

"I’d want the gills," Melancholy says. "Gills would be sweet."

Mike pauses for a bit to consider his answer. "Okay, I know what I want. Instead of bowel movements in the way we have them now, I would void waste by emitting light beams from my elbows."

"What?! Dude, that is fucked up!" Melancholy says while laughing.

"Seriously, it's perfect. Think about it."

"No. I won't think about that. You can't make me."

"Light-waste would be, like, totally clean and efficient."

"I get the light thing," Melancholy replies. "It's the elbow part that doesn't make any sense; it's so arbitrary. Why not emit the light from your fingertips? Or your eyes?"

"Now see, that's weird. It's still crap; you don't want that stuff on your hands or your face. The upside to elbows is that they would give you a wide range of disposal options. You could discreetly shine your poo backwards, away from your body. You could aim at the ceiling..."

"And make shadow puppets!"

"Um... sure," replies Mike. "You could do anything you wanted. That's the beauty of elbows: they're versatile. They're hygienic. They're perfect."

Melancholy Dog considers this and begins to slowly nod his head. "Yeah", he says. "Fuck gills. I want the elbow-centered laser-anus."