0 A.D.: Humanity collectively freaks out about the eerie lack of numerical time; basic, everyday tasks are made impossible by the mass paranoia and panic that ensue.

1 A.D.: Humanity regains it's composure, gets back to the business of fucking and/or killing anything that moves.

1679: A falling apple strikes Isaac Newton on the head and gravity is discovered. When immediately following this a bird craps on his shoulder, taxidermy is discovered.

1977: A simple farm hand in Claremore Oklahoma reports seeing "deceased" Chilean poet Pablo Neruda at a local 7-11. "He was buying them ranch-flavored pork rinds," the obese yokel tells anyone who will listen.

1949: President Harry S. Truman , during a State of the Union address, announces his plan to initiate the country's first space program. He tells the nation, "Doing this will require one simple step: placing a lemon-flavored condom on my head and making parakeet sounds. Whacky, non-stop parakeet sounds." When, after the speech, advisors inform the president that his idea is "completely fucked up," Truman proceeds to have intercourse with a nearby lamp and call it a day.