“It’s not dignified for a man to wear flip-flops.”

--D.J. Kirkbride’s Bold Statement Series #54 of 298

One of the most disconcerting things about my work day, right up there with the fact that I don’t get paid naptime, is the goofy little sound of “flip flop flip flop” I often hear in the hall, approaching and walking past my cube. Now, if I look to the side as I’m wont to do (being like a puppy or a baby in that respect, just turning toward every sound or shiny object) and see a female flip-flopping by, well, okay. That I can handle. The ladies are all about different kinds of footwear and, shit, more power to ‘em. I’m not a fan of seeing feet, but I’m not one to tell a lady what to wear.

However! When I hear that teensy, goofy lil’ “flip flop flip flop” and turn to see a dude… well, that’s when I have to say, “What the good fuck, sir?” I mean… fuck. What kind of a man would decide to forgo socks and shoes, be they loafers or sneakers or whatevers, and think, “People love seeing my feet, and I love letting them air out, so these lil’ flippies will do quite nicely”? It’s an outrage!

Is it that the fella would rather be at the beach? Sure, I hate seeing man feet as much as some folks and more than many, but I guess I can accept flip-flops for all at the beach. One doesn’t want to get sand in one’s shoes, and the sand can be too hot for bare feet -- not to mention needing protection against all the syringes and rusty nails and shards of glass that populate most of our beaches. But should the flip-flop be considered acceptable foot attire for a man whilst at work or anywhere other than said beach?

FUCK NO!!!