Misters Dustin Grovemiller and Trevor Whitecliff are reviewing 1978’s classic Superman film for this edition of “Spoiler Warning.” I was not invited to contribute; in point of fact, I was banned from such contributing. Dustin’s rationale had something to do with my being too close to the movie and what the character represents to give any sort of banter short of “I loooooove Superman!” or whatever. Trevor simply stated, “You owe me a beer.” They’re both correct, I suppose. Perhaps the main reason for my not contributing in any constructive manner to this banter can be summed up by the following picture…

Yes, that’s me at the last “the footnote” Halloween party. (It should be noted Dustin was Super Mario and Trevor was “Pantsless Trevor” to put things in perspective.) So, yeah, it’s probably best I let a couple of fellows who can be perhaps a bit more objective chat about what is the greatest film featuring a grown man in tights ever made. -- D.J.

Dustin: So, do you have any idea how pissed off D.J. is that I wouldn't let him review this?

Trevor: Well, I knew he was a super fan, as they say. But how deep is he? Still sleepin' in Kal-El PJ's?

Dustin: Pretty much -- at the very least I know that he owns enough Superman shirts to be able to go a month without repeating.

Trevor: Impressive. That's a lot of t-shirts. So, I just watched this thing, and its fresh in my mind. The first bit I jotted down was the dates: 1938 to 2006.

Dustin: Yeah, it had actually been a number of years since I've sat down and watched this in its entirety... I mean, there was a time when you were always bound to catch it on TV at some point, but now it's mostly dropped into the relative obscurity of DVD collections. I was amazed at exactly how much of it I'd forgotten about. Specifically, the entire first third of the movie.

Trevor: Which was my favorite. I like origin stories more than anything else.

Dustin: Yeah, and what an origin at that -- he came from a planet where everyone wore aluminum foil!

Trevor: Foil that glowed, and walked around in eerie Marlon Brando skins. Actually, while watching the Krypton scenes, I wanted to know more about his pops. What were Jor-El's more heady days like?

Dustin: Yeah, he seemed to be quite a respected guy, even though he seemed to have this stigma of being a little... anti-establishment? I mean, it's one thing to walk around saying that your planet is going to blow up, but it really seemed like he was the kind of guy that liked to push the boundaries on things.

Trevor: Jor-El was very bleeding heart. But he was a genius. The man discovered the Phantom Zone! I think that's like discovering the Garden of Eden somewhere in Gary, Indiana.

Dustin: Well, maybe just the opposite -- discovering Gary, Indiana in the Garden of Eden. I think it's only fair to make that assessment, seeing as how criminals were being sent there. Not that people from Gary are criminals. It's very important to differentiate that from being Detroit. It's just a desolate hole, is all. Either.

Trevor: So, Gary is like the Phantom Zone? But with Terrance Stamp? That makes sense, on a purely Christ-like level. Which, mind you, is something I've recently heard the son of Jor-El compared to. And that means Jor-El is God!

Dustin: Oh yeah, I've heard the same. Well, without the Jor-El extension. Unless you count people that thought Marlon Brando was God, which is something else entirely. I was always confused by that, because God was supposed to be George Burns. Anyhow, we digress. Okay, so for a product of 1978, how do you think this little take on Superman fared?

Trevor: I think it still stands-up pretty well. I'm not sure if its the benchmark that all other comic flicks are judged on, but I do think its a modern classic, for the Star Wars generation at least.

Dustin: Ah, speaking of Star Wars, I thought it was interesting that only a year separated these films, and obviously you have to take budget into consideration, but the special effects in Superman were seemingly better. Not to say that Star Wars didn't have cutting edge stuff, it's just that Superman made it look a lot more polished.

Trevor: Better? Not sure about that. I can say they were effective, and they definitely pulled it off. But, as the trailer suggested, if you went to see the movie, then you would "believe a man can fly." And to that degree, they got it right. And, not just because the guy is dead or got fucked up on a horse, but I really think ol' Chris Reeve really pulled if off. Actually, I want to say he got it right. Too many pulled offs. Wait, too many got it rights. Never mind...

Dustin: No arguments -- Reeve came at that role with an almost winsome charm about the "Superman" persona. He played the whole thing with a kind of glint in his eye. The whole thing was a lot more quippy than I remembered it being.

Trevor: Almost snarky, in a way. But they played their cards right: Just enough origin story, just enough respect for the character's mythos, and just enough winks to audience to let us all know it was in good fun. In that way, I do think it set a benchmark for comic adaptations.

Dustin: Certainly... I'm enough of a geek to know that it would be a benchmark for that kind of thing. It's a rare film that can achieve that kind of status -- we're talking maybe Burton's 1989 Batman, Raimi's Spider-man and little else. So, aside from Reeve, let's take a look at the other principals... How do you feel about Margot Kidder?

Trevor: She's a slut.

Dustin: Hell yes!

Trevor: Hack-Man? Loved him. Could've eaten him with a spoon.

Dustin: Yeah, Gene Hackman was by far the best part of this film. You can't say he had the best performance outright, because of that whole "Brando" thing, but man, he just owned every scene he was in. This is just speculation at this point, of course, since the new Superman Returns isn't out yet, but Kevin Spacey is going to have to do a hell of a lot of work to get out of Hackman's shadow.

Trevor: Yeah, and why the hell didn't they just re-cast Hackman? Superman is supposed to be "returning," yeah? So, wouldn't Lex be older any damn way?

Dustin: Maybe Hackman's actually too old... it's hard to say, given how little we know about the timeline of the new flick.

Trevor: Couldn't be any worse then Part IV.

Dustin: Sorry, to dwell on this, but I can't get over how much I detested Margot Kidder's portrayal of Lois Lane. Whiny, opportunistic, emaciated, and yeah -- slutty. She was totally an older version of some sorority girl stereotype. Except not nearly as pretty, either. Everyone one else played above average, in my book -- Ned Beatty's Otis was charming, and all the other secondary players, the Jimmy Olsens of the movie, also held their ground. If you can fault the movie on anything, it would NOT be acting.

Trevor: One thing you could fault is the ending. For some reason, I wasn't all that impressed with him turning back time. Does that make me spoiled super hero movie watcher? Here's another question: Where did he get the press credentials to join the Daily Planet?

Dustin: Well, that's always infuriated me because of the physics of the thing -- physically rotating the Earth backwards wouldn't actually affect time. It would make the sun rise and set in the opposite direction, but that's it. The ending was always a total cop-out. As for his press creds... well, I guess it was just a different era then. You certainly couldn't get away with getting hired like that nowadays -- the modern media has FAR too much integrity for the bar to be set THAT low.

Trevor: The last thing I thought it was missing was a return home to see his mother. Or, in the very least, some connection back to where he was from.

Dustin: Just didn't tug at your heartstrings enough?

Trevor: Nah, like I said, I'm just an origin junkie. One thing that kinda blew my mind this morning were flyers for Best Buy and Circuit City. Between the two, there are 11 different versions of Superman DVDs coming out this Tuesday. Everything from a Dean Cain to Krypto the Super Dog. That's a lot of damn Superman.

Dustin: Well, it's the same way with the comics... offhand, I'd say there's been over five different origin stories for him -- I mean, the Krypton thing is always the same, but everything else around him changes. Supes is just a man for all seasons, I guess. That's what happens when you're labeled as the greatest superhero ever. I guess it's fair to call him that, but I was always a Spider-Man fan, personally. Batman is two... wow, Superman might not even be third on my list.

Trevor: He might truly be a hero for a different generation. The Michael Chabon generation comes to mind. But he has the whole "America's Sweetheart" thing goin' for him, too. So that helps. I do think he is the greatest American success story, other than maybe Vito Corleone. But he's suddenly been re-invented, too --that lends a certain amount of street-cred. He's goin' on 68 damn years old. And he's the ultimate immigrant.

Dustin: And all signs point to the idea that he's got pretty unlimited mileage at this point. So hey, thanks for sitting in for this edition. You'll have to team up with D.J. again sometime soon to bring balance back to the universe. I should go and release him from the Phantom Zone now...

Trevor: My final thought on Superman: The Movie? "Say, Jim! Whooo! That's a bad outfit!"