Your mother warned you against it, but your young love clouded by defiance forced you to go ahead and tie the knot with him. Now that the rosy newness has worn off, you find yourself stuck with this former man of your dreams who's suddenly devolved before your very eyes into a lazy, insensitive, smelly, clueless, remote control hording, Ray Ramano-like lummox without the laugh track or millions in syndication dollars.

Let's be honest then, shall we? It isn't as if you were going to do better. No fault of your own or reflection on you, but more the unavoidable fact that men, in general, will regress. It's our very nature. So stop blaming yourself for his lack of upright walking. Get a cave and let him paint-- better yet, give him some sticks and watch him reinvent fire.

Moronic behavior occurs to men as witty, more often than not, which isn't such a bad thing. Sometimes a fat guy falling down is funnier than Oprah telling someone to "go, girl!" No shame in laughing at it.

So what's left to do, as suggested above, is simply adapt to it. What millions of years of evolution can't cure, you won't in a span of ... what twenty, thirty years? Tops?

This may all sound terribly bleak, but don't worry; we're here to help…

The first and usually most difficult step is to accept that man you fell in love with is gone, or, in point of fact, never really existed (that blind love thing again). Your point of view is more than likely what changed the most. To put it another way: There's still good in him, and, honestly, he's much the same man you initially found so equal parts hot, adorable, and funny, but now the rose colored glasses are off, and you're finally seeing him for what he is: a veritable moron. Studies show that the difference between the man of your dreams and a clueless beast consists of nothing more than familiarity.

After the cartoon hearts cease to float above your head, you’ve no doubt noticed that his rugged, comfy style is more aptly described as “sloppy.” That manly, musty odor, those pheromones that so intrigued you, smell now like nothing more than common B.O. that needs to be covered by cologne of your choosing, as he'll just buy the cheap crap at the local drug store which, instead of covering his onion odor, blends with it, often becoming something even more offensive. While we're on the foul subject of odors, now that you're living with him, spray air freshener should become your best friend. Let the scientists worry about the ozone layer. That bathroom fan and a lit match can only do so much. Especially after it's his turn to make dinner, i.e. "pizza night."

Because cooking is the other thing that morons tend not be great at. History may try to attribute the discovery of fire to men, but using it to cook food was certainly not an application they ever thought of. Beer. Beer men thought of in full, but cooking? Why? Cooking leads to roads that most men shy away from: steamed vegetables, skinless chicken, and tofu. Not to mention dishes. Even the dishwasher, with it's pre-rinsing and loading... it's all too much of a hassle to the simple, fragile male mind.

Now we've covered territory with which we are sure you're familiar, but what can you do to improve your situation?

You can stop listening to weak advice telling you how different you are from your moron. Trust us, he sees you much the same way, albeit much more simply (as he sees everything more simply than you, save sports or movies). Look to your own attributes that, when seen through a different light, could make you a moron to him. And remember when complaining about those odors of his that, come on, you're human, too-- much to his shock and dismay, it should be noted. Seeing yourself as he sees you is a good step, and once you've done that you can pass along this critical idea to him and then you can theoretically be happy, hand in hand as morons together.

Because what else is there? Drooling on your pillow without someone to wipe it on? ... Or there's lesbianism. If you see that as a viable option for yourself and idiot man-child antics really get the best of you, you might want to consider it. If that's not for you then, well, go ahead and have a laugh at the occasional buffoonery and admit you sometimes stink up the place, too!