|  DJ: So... want to chat about a movie or something?
Dustin: We could do that... it's allegedly why we're here. After all, THE PEOPLE DEMAND IT!
DJ: What the people demand, the people get! Within reason...
Dustin: But when I say that, I'm totally kidding. The people don't say anything about it one way or another. You guys are out there, right?
DJ: It's called faith, Dustin -- with an alcohol chaser. Works for me, anyway. Okay, so, uh... you picked this flick, right? Or, I guess it was a flick you were planning on watching, and I was all, "Oooh! Let's do that one for 'Spoiler Warning!'"
Dustin: Ed Wood? Uh, yeah… you picked it. I vaguely recall tossing it out as a suggestion, and you took to it like John Denver's plane (sadly) to the ocean.
DJ: That... that sickened me, man. That ain't right.
Dustin: Sorry, kind of stream of consciousness there, I'm listening to him right now.
DJ: Really? Wait—don’t answer that. Anwyay, Ed Wood is Tim Burton’s bio pic of the man hailed “Worst Director of All Time.” The movie chronicles Wood (played by Johnny Depp) in the 1950’s, when he befriended a past his prime, drug-addicted Bela Lugosi (a part that earned Martin Landau an Oscar) to make some B-Movie “classics” like Glen or Glenda?, Bride of the Monster, and the one he knew he’d be remembered for… Plan 9 From Outer Space, considered by many to be the worst movie ever. Oh, and he was a transvestite with a serious angora fetish.
Dustin: Okay, so my feelings on this one.... kind of nil.
DJ: Yes, my Criswell-level psychic abilities have been telling me you're not as fond as this film as I am. I'm flabbergasted! Explain yourself, woman!
Dustin: I was really kind of tremendously bored with it. I will fully and wholly commit myself to the belief that the performances by nearly all the cast were tremendous -- really, really superbly acted on the whole. Still really didn't care about the movie itself. I ended surrendering about two-thirds of the way through and stopped watching it. And yes, I realize that you'll find this tantamount to heresy.
DJ: What the hell? You didn't even finish it?
Dustin: Yeah, you can assume that I went off and did something more productive with my time, like try to rescue stray puppies and kittens from a life of pet-related gang violence.
DJ: Dude, I didn't think I could lose more respect for you, but it's happened. We're agreement on the performances, Depp, Landau—not to mention Ferris Bueller’s principal, Sarah Jessica Parker, Patricia Arquette, and, by god, AND Bill Murray as the irrepressible Bunny Breckinridge... but the beautiful black and white photography? Ed Wood's naive belief in his ability and struggle with himself? …
Dustin: I should add that I DO feel somewhat remorseful about it... but at the time, I just simply found myself beyond caring about the movie. Even Landau's amazing performance wouldn't keep me drawn in.
 DJ: …his doomed friendship with Bela Lugosi? None of this worked for you? Not even when Lugosi calls Boris Karloff a "Limey cocksucker"?? There was just something about Wood and his assembly of oddballs trying to make a "great picture" like his hero, Orson Welles, that immediately drew me in. Wood's the ultimate underdog with every reason to be down on himself, but, at least within this only "partly true" movie, he never gives in. It's sad, funny, and oddly inspiring all at the same time! I also love the direction and the tone of the movie. It's like Burton and the gang captured the feel of the movies of the era. Almost like, this was the type of movie Ed Wood always THOUGHT he was making. Putting his obsessions on the screen in the strangest, most inappropriate contexts.
Dustin: I'm not quite sure what's to blame in this case. I'm not sure it's entirely fair to say that the movie itself was genuinely disappointing to me, but I think it's extremely fair to say that it didn't even come remotely close to matching my level of expectation. I mean, this is one that's mentioned at every twist and turn by ultimate movie nerds as being one of the great unheralded cult films that should've gotten better acclaim.
DJ: Dude, it wasn't a huge hit, but critics loved it. Like I mentioned, Landau won the Oscar. It's definitely one of Burton's most realized films. I'd say it's his best -- just really well crafted. It's not the standard biopic. It's less the highlights with musical montages... It's a biopic made about a man who certainly never “earned” one told with tons of style and wit, not to mention surprising humanity at every turn. I figured you'd gobble this up as I have all these years.
Dustin: Watching it felt like I’d kind of walked up to Old Faithful, seen it, and left with this feeling of "that blows." And I used that pun to illustrate that even realized moments of wit don't appeal to everyone. I appreciate it as a solid work of the craft, just didn't relate to it as a piece. I suppose I could stop reiterating this at some point, but since I didn't finish watching it, I have less to offer in the way of critical analysis. Not that I ever DO offer that, in any regard. Oh, and I guess I could say that Johnny Depp is adept at playing weirdos.
DJ: But this wasn't the typical Depp weirdo, which, at the time, were quieter, emo-types -- Ed Wood is one of his most lively and delightful performances. I love him in this. And Bill Murray's little scenes as Bunny are hilarious, without making fun of the person. That's one of the things I appreciate so much about the movie. All of the characters are misfits and strange in very real, human ways, and the film doesn't look down on them. The script, by Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski is so human and humane. After this, they kind of became experts in odd biopics, with The People Vs. Larry Flynt and the Andy Kaufman biopic, Man on the Moon. It just seemed like everyone gave this weird movie their all. It's so heartbreaking and charming. What about it didn't hook you?
Dustin: I honestly couldn't name a reason even if you promised me a delicious Zagnut bar.
DJ: Well, you'll get no such offer, not only because I don't have a Zagnut bar, but because if I did, I'd surely eat it myself.
Dustin: Could it be that there was some kind of transference? That because it was about a guy that made the worst films ever, that in turn I felt it was a bad film? I suppose that could the case, although neither one of us are remotely proficient in the subject of human psychology. Shit dude, we sometimes struggle with the complex pathos of "A very special" episode of Blossom.
DJ: I know little of you humans... I mean, er...
Dustin: Right, but you know LOTS about Blossom. Maybe it's time -- and yeah I guess I feel like it's a bit of a cop-out to do so -- to play the "art is subjective" card. You know, each person will take what he or she wants from a work of art. Although you could say that art imitates life. I found the film boring, just like I'm sure the readers are finding this discussion.
 DJ: Yeah, art is subjective (and this conversation probably boring since the readers can’t see that one of us is sans pants), but... I'm just flabbergasted here. This is more shocking than you not absolutely loving Grosse Pointe Blank. The way the film sees its characters as Ed Wood must've seen his ragtag crew of misfits... The actual caring friendship between him and Bela... His finding one true love in Patricia Arquette's sweetly subtle performance as Kathy O'Hara... I dunno, man. While the film maybe isn't completely successful as a biopic in that it's definitely got some rose colored glasses going on, it's so entertaining to me. Wood later fell onto extremely hard times, but here, we get a glimpse into how he must've seen his world in his “heyday.” I find it all extremely watchable and heartfelt, with more than a few genuine laughs.
Dustin: Well, if it's any consolation, I'm more than sure I'm in the minority with my views on this one. And I'm sorry that I've crushed your gentle spirit. Tell you what, how's about you and I go and get some Zagnuts bars? My treat.
DJ: Well, actually, I'd rather have a Snickers or something... That cool?
Dustin: Sure thing! Again... it's all about personal taste.
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