| Yeah, so I spent a lot of my weekend watching porn on DVD. One would think this might bother my wife, but the whole damn thing was her fault anyhow. Now before you go and start reading into that, let me tell you that everything's just fine and dandy in the bedroom. Not so fine and dandy that there's another kid on the way, mind you, but the boat's a rockin'.
But enough about that.
I was watchin’ all that porn because Katie (the wife) was making me get rid of a lot of it. Now, you see, my lovely wife is fine with the whole adult film scene. She's not really into it, but she's understanding enough that it's cool to occasionally kick back and dig a little bomp-chicka-bomp-bomp. So as a result, mostly thanks to the occasional sale on the internet, the collection has gotten a little on the hefty side. Hence the issue being forced that I get rid of some of it before it needs its own room… the boxes in the closest are as bad as it is, I guess. So never mind the fact that I have no idea where in fuck's name I'm gonna take all these used DVDs, the order of the day is to at least get it weeded out. And so I sensibly decided that I was gonna have to watch most of it, in order to make a fair decision.
The results actually kind of surprised me. I kept a couple of good ol' classic Jenna Jameson flicks of course, because Jenna is Jenna, and you don't get much better than Jenna in her prime. A few I kept because they were actually too stupidly funny not to… Saving Ryan's Privates? That's like Oscar-grade shit, man. But as for the ten or so other DVDs I kept, it was all mostly girl-on-girl. This was brought to my attention by the wife, who seemed to find it amusing.
"Why exactly is it that guys like lesbians so much?"
"We only like the hot ones. Rough and tumble bull-dykes are a little too scary. And not hot."
"Okay, fine… why do guys like 'hot' lesbians so much?"
I didn't really have an answer for that one. I thought about it as I was forwarding though my copy of Where The Boys Aren't 6. I continued to consider the hot lesbian issue as I later did some of that boat rocking with Katie that I talked about earlier (hey, I’d just watched a bunch of porn… what the fuck did you expect would happen?). Then, in the midst of what she insists on calling "afterglow," I thought I had a pretty good answer.
"We're selfish."
"We are?"
"No, not you and I. Guys are. That's why we like girl-on-girl sex."
"Okay, whatever."
But after spending some more quality time weeding through the collection, I fleshed out the theory a little more. You see, I'm thinking that guys are, stereotypically, pretty selfish and protective about the female company they keep. "Alpha male" thing, I'm sure. So, even though any random guy enjoys things like seeing a hot girl, seeing said hot girl naked, and identifying on some level, even if it's a porn flick, that he's got a relationship with that girl, he doesn't want any other guy going near her. But that whole "she's mine" thing aside, we recognize that the ladies, they too deserve to get some. So we're left with hot chicks that need pleasured, but seeing some other guy do it diminishes our own return. Answer? Hot chick, I'd like you to meet other hot chick. Perhaps you'd like to make out now?
I don't see how there can be any kind of denial to the basis of this idea. We haven't even touched on the whole "even if you're not guy-homophobic enough to be insecure with watching some other guy's twig and berries blow in the wind, you still really don't want to be bothered with it. You're there to eat the steak dinner, not graze on the garnish.
If someone out there would like to do some kind of study, you know, like on a university level, I would gladly offer my time to help with the research. Particularly if it involves any curious young co-eds. Fuck, man… I miss college. I used to be able to just go to a good frat party to see this shit, now I'm stuck trying to stick together some goddamn thesis just to justify having all this girl-on-girl porn.
|
